tormented soul

2006-02-01T20:37:00.000+08:00

moved to

http://www.livejournal.com/~eltrutlove

yayys. (:

2005-12-18T21:01:00.000+08:00

ROD was great. ((:

well lets see. arrived at 8 on thursday to rehearsed dance with becky candz and trees.
becky was my partner in the tango.we were about to practise full dress when we say liling and insyirah.so becky was doing her job in trying to shoo them away.haha. yeah aniwaes.after that we went for lunch at tanglin.as usual i couldnt eat.only ate a quarter of it.came back to school to watch other sqds performance.haha.had fun playing scoop too.heh.

then it was GAMES! i was group three ic.well.yeah.i cant realy rmb whose in my team.sorrie.anw yeah.we won the first game.and then second game.was RATHER FUN.i got bullied namely by insyirah liling and theresa.omg.i was like flour bathed by them k.i was happily helping them finish the apple when suddenly it was raining flour all over me.well that wasnt all yea. i thought it ended but i was SO WRONG.it started raining again.and this time there was floor even in my mouth.goodness.

next game was some water game.i thought i escaped from getting bullied.but again i was WRONG.theresa came with a bag of water and then the next thing i knew i had water all over my head.and im telling you water and flour sure dun mix well.i had sticky things on my head.haha.it was funny.cuz i was so trying to run away from those three musketeers lah.my luck to b in the same group as them.

shall jump to the last game.MR FOX i think.i decided not to play.i wetted jingwen(sec 2) and huiyin (sec 1) cuz they were injured and i dun want them to miss out the fun.and then i cant rmb who liling and theresa or insyirah aiyah either one of them la were trying to refill their bag of water.i had this brilliant idea of taking revenge.so i decided to pour the whole tray of water on them.but soon after that i had another tray of water splash all over my front.i was like OMIGOSH.well i guess it was kinda fun larh.

then helped pt clean up the eggs in the canteen.the smell was NICE man.i dunno how pt could actually stand them.haha.

dinner was ok.i could not eat.i dunno what was wrong with me.i only ate one spoon of rice and threw everything away.haha.games after dinner was nice too.played whose neighbour do you love and scoop again.insyirah was trying to sabo me during the nighbour game thing.BUT DID NOT SUCCEED haha.too bad.well had alot of fun.

then it was performance.i was the emcee.with my retard partner as usual REBECCA.something freaky happen.i dun wanna elaborate.i like the sec2 performance.the GUYS were cool the girls were sexy.haha.the sec1s performance were darn unique larh.not bad for first time performer. ((:

our item was nice too.not too mention candice skirt that flies up and made the audience goes crazy applauding for her.tango was a huge success.except for the part where my heels nearly fly off larh.haha.then had gift exchange.and interaction time.it was rather fun.for the first time i chose dare for the truth of dare game.nice larh.dare wasn that hard either.had a nice time talking about THEM too. (;

told sec1s and 2s abt their sentry before lights off.ncos came and talk to us again.had a nice time.phrase for the night "IN-thing".laughed alot.and i was described in a lot of ways.

hx maam: shafina u know what?
me:wad?
hx:ur body looks shorter than usual
me:uhm ok

a few minutes later

me:-sits up.too tired of lying down-
mw maam: shafina ur head look big
me:huh
mw: ur head looks bigger than ur body

and i started laughing.

around 5.after my sentry duty.

me:-lies on my front with my chin on the floor.and i dozed off-
hx : shafina like that also can sleep
me:-woke up- huh?huh?huh?tired ma
hx: u look like a lizard.

goodness.oh she also said i have the looks of becoming a crrok(les?).haha.completely stunned.

next day woke up with only around 1 hour of sleep.had breakfast and did sentry duty.no elaboration needed.only dismissed at 10.left school immediately.owells. had breakfast at macs and reach home at 12.

2005-10-07T22:31:00.000+08:00

just came back from night studies in school.
was with joyce and qixin.
stayed back in school from 5 in school till around 9.30?
yea.
ohh and ive got myself a new jie.
she's JOYCE!
accidentally called her grace by mistake just now.
dunno y the name appeared in my head.
haha

now i have 3 jie. :))

whee!

very tired.
have been studying continuously until 2-3 am in the morning.

gosh i lost the MUGGING GAME ytd.
SHOOTS MAN.
tsk.
i have to do forfeit now.
last year when i played this game i WON ok.
but nvm.
ill b a good-loser.

oh oh.
i shall declare that ill die of consuming too much msg.
ate cup noodles for break fast just now.
ill die man.

okok.gtg le.

~~missingyouhoney.iloveyouforever.~~

2005-10-07T15:53:00.000+08:00

finals had been bad kaes.
gosh
had chem todae.
like shit man.
i can do the whole paper one lor.
but i see the time wrongly.
its like i thought it ends at 0930 bt actualy its 0915.
so i took my time to do the paper.
then i cudn finish on time.had to leave some blank. ka-bishhhh.

ok la.
gtg for night studies with qiqi le.
dunno what to write anw.

~~missing you alot.wish i can have in my arms now.~~

2005-09-26T00:17:00.000+08:00

ive got nothing to write.

but to you.

~~I LOVE YOU.always.~~

2005-09-23T22:10:00.000+08:00

menstrual cramps. . .

gosh it hurts man.
slept frm like 12pm- 2pm.
after that wanted to go home
but decided to go for hmt instead.
well.
exams coming soon.
realli have to study extra hard man.
and i wanna PASS ENGLISH.
i dun wanna be expelled frm sch.
shit man.
im like so scared.
damn.
i dunno la.
hope that end of years wun b that tough ba.

aniwaes.
i dunno what to sae le.

oh one more thing.
this is specially for my dearest DADDY.
I LOVE YOU ALOT DADDY.
even though i miss mummy. . . i still miss you too.
dun merajuk le la.
-sends u flying kisses-

2005-09-18T22:05:00.000+08:00

have to thank becky for accompanying me on sat.
hope u love the treat.
went to school for geog on sat.
decided to pon amaths and went out to eat with becky instead.
went to eat at mobil.
went to westmall lib and read some books.
then went home.
oh did i mention?
becky looks chio in her frindster pic.
the chatting one.
haha.
im gonna cut my hair with my 2 bestties tmr.

im sick of everything that happen.

been sick the past few days too.
have no idea y.

ate some food at aunts house on friday
and felt like throwing up barely a minute after that.

on sat after i went home.
i felt sick all over i couldn get out of bed.
forced myself out to my relatives house.

havent been well today.
my head still hurts.

but i dun care.
like uhm who ever cares.

what use to be a secret is not a secret anymore.
Y CANT THEY JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?
i need my privacy.
i need my own space.
and its not for irritating species from outer space like all of you to intrude.

just GO AWAY FROM ME!
just leave me alone.

ive nothing else to write.

2005-09-18T21:30:00.000+08:00

[she]
she never thank me for things ive done for her
instead she accuse of being insincere
she buys things for them readily
but never did she do that for me
she fulfils their every request
but not mine
even if she does
she does it with much anger

[he]
he bought for them presents
on their birthdays
but never in the years i lived have i remembered
of him buying me anything
when i do well for my exams
he never do care
he takes notice of my every mistakes but never theirs
he apologises everytime he's too harsh with her
but leave me alone whenever i cry out of fear

[they]
they are younger than me
they never did really treat me as what they are suppose to.
im blamed for the mistakes they do
"u set the example.they follow."
im sick of hearing this.

sometimes i wonder if all of them really care.
really care about me

the tears ive shed
she never took notice
the things i do to please them
is never enough
kisses, hugs from both of you?
never have i ever felt them
not even the slightest closeness

am i that insignificant in your lives?

im so sick of being with all of them
having to live each and everyday of my life
in a place that suffocates me

is this what they call home?
is this MY home?

i guess at the end of the day
ill still love all of them.
i still HAVE to.
whether being forced or not.

2005-09-04T23:14:00.000+08:00

as long as stars shines down from heaven
and the rivers run into the sea
till the end of time forever
ure the only love i need
in my life ure all that matters
in my eyes the only truth i see.
when my hopes and dreams are shattered.
ure the one who sees me through.

when i found you i was blessed
ill never leave you i need you

imagine me without you
i'd be lost and so confused
i woudnt last a day
id be afraid without you there to see me through.
imagine me without you
lord u know its just impossible.
because of you its all brand new
my lfe is now worthwhile
imagine me without you.

when u caught me i was falling
your love lifted me back onto my feet
it was like u heard my calling
and u rise to set me free

when i found you i was blessed
ill never leave you i need you

imagine me without you
i'd be lost and so confused
i woudnt last a day
id be afraid without you there to see me through.
imagine me without you
lord u know its just impossible.
because of you its all brand new
my lfe is now worthwhile
imagine me without you.

~~iloveyou.~~
~~thanksforbeingthereformealways.~~
~~ureminenowandforever.~~
~~ulightupmylife.~~
~~ureallthatmatters now.~~
~~nothingcanseparatemefromyouanymore.~~
~~illholdontoyou.illneverletgo.~~
~~illneverleaveyou.~~
~~promisemeuwunleavemetoo?~~

2005-09-04T22:11:00.000+08:00

haven blogged for like so long.
firstly WELCOME BACK JEAN!
was like waiting for her on friday at 1005.
and she onli came at like 1020.
but anw yeah.
glad that she's back.

well.
ytd was unit-hike.
screwd up the time.
was like 30 minutes ahead of time.
but well.
still ended on time.a lil early.
but not too early ba.
i realise how diff it is too give instructions to like 40++ using own voice.
becks wanted to push me into the pond and was suggesting it to sum of the sec2s too!
hilarious.
but well i still survived.
u love me too much becks!
i think the duck walk was funnayy,
but had to cut it short.
and pt kept telling me abt her island.
and her house that can b seen from the bridge.
heh.
dumb woman.
but wells.
the whole outing was fun.
EXCEPT for sum part ba.
elaboration not needed.

after that went town.
ate at lj w pt and becks.
trees jean and yakks were eating at yoshi.
i cannot eat there ma
dun dare.
had a fun time eating.
i think im crazy.
was like waiting for pt to finish eating for ard 1hr.
darn long.
and becks got ashes in her food.
luckily it can still be eaten.
then took neo prints.
walked ard in heeren.
got scolded twice by the security.
#1-for sitting down in hmv and blocking others which i apparently did not.was just tying my shoelace la.IDIOT.
#2-while trying to pics with becky in HMV TOO!screw that security guard man.cant even take pics meh?y?jealous that i din take pic with u izzit?
after that sent jean to ps .
figured that i wasn invited.
so left with becks and join trees yakks pt in the arcade.
lalala.then went home to join relatives at bbq.
MORE FUN MANN!
had alot of food but din eat much.
talked on the phone alot!
slept over at aunts place.
wanted to like play with my sis and cousin.
but i ended up falling asleep first.
was too tired.

i dunno wad to write le.heh.
byee.

2005-09-01T17:29:00.000+08:00

hmm.
ytd teachers day.
HAPPY YEACHERS" DAY!!!!!!!
performance ytd wasn that bad ba.
screw up abit at the beginning.
lost my steps.
heh.
anw.yeah.

after that had np.
whoa was very sleepy by then.
all of us were darn tired.
haha.
and i was panicking cuz my hair still had some white streaks of paint.
then there were like some glitters stuck on my face la.
but yea.
anw.yea.
did tent-pitching ytd.
now hands have blisters.
me and peiting were the wost peggers.
haha.
but we are the best.
cuz we always manage to peg the pegs in!
haha.
HOPELESS and BRAINLESS unite!
haha.
i dunno wad to write le la.

haha.
gtg
byee.

2005-08-10T21:55:00.000+08:00

ugh.
common test tmr.
and my heads hurting damn badly.
sigh.
juz took the booster jab for chicken pox.
i therefore declare that im chicken pox-free.
haha.
im so tired.
i feel very drained out.
having eng chem and ss tmr.
must go and continue study.
printing notes now.
after that must go resume back to studying.
and im alr dammit tired la.
i dunno wad to say le la.
chao.

GOOD LUCK FOR COMMON TEST PPL!

2005-08-01T22:07:00.000+08:00

hmm.
atc finally over.
very tired.
infested with mosquito bites.
and im having sore throat.
damn.
owells.
din wanna go skl todae cuz was toot ired.
but rmbed that we have amaths and emaths test.
but in the end np cadets dun need to take lor.
shud hv stayed at home.
but there was another reason.
wun say it.
for me to know and for u to find out.

anw.gtg soon.
have to study for amaths and emaths test tmr.
and theres hmwk to do lor.
im so totalli gonna die man.
owells.
gtg le la.
byee.
:))

2005-07-20T21:34:00.000+08:00

hm.
had share a thought today.
no comments about it man.
only the fact that some people said that i look like a small kid.
i think i look more like an overgrown 10 year old kid.
i guess it was the dress and my 2 pnytails too that makes me look like a small kid.
and somebody said that my voice should have been higher than more like a small kid.
bu hey.
i maybe small k...but i have a maturity of a 30 year old okay!
haha.
u know hu u are.
although i dunno whtr u wud read my blog.
haha.
gosh.
but hve to thank eunice for bringing the dress.
haha.
hope that the shareathought went well.

although my mike was ao shitty.

FREAK THE MIKE MAN!

haha.

anw.gtg.
have to do lotsa hmwk.

2005-07-19T00:03:00.000+08:00

live with it. . . get that in your head people.

well had pop todae.games was fun.im appointed as the PROJECT HEAD!!!caught me off-hand.totalli shock.but yea.well.u dun wanna comment abt this anymore.shudn b saying abt it here too.anw. yea.din realli have much interaction with ncos.and that was rather sad ba.but i mean its ok.wee'll have a sq outing soon.yupp.we got candles frm them too.very chio.cuz i get orange one.haha. ORANGE RAWKZ!

i dunno wad to sae la.
now doing the heritage thingy.
having teresa and bee kuan online to keep me compny now.
candice, jean, claud and farz left le.haha.
all wanna sleep lor.
im like here still awake trying to complete the project.
bleh.
haha.

anw.yea
i guess ill go off soon.hafta paster all the info on construction paper ma.
yupp.

hey ppl[u know hu u are] cheer up oki??and to my royal highness. . . im always here de.haha.oki la i dunno wat to sae.but yea.thanks for everything.

oki la.
gtg byee.

2005-07-16T18:22:00.000+08:00

thurs.
FARZANAH IS MY INCEST PARTNER.cuz shes my son in my goose family but at the same time she's also my BOYFREN!wahaha.and MALIKKA IS INCEST PARTNER-SQUARED.i know that it sounds sick.but owells its the truth.LIVE WITH IT!anw.oh.know wad?I PASS MY EMATHS!got like 15/25.not that good la.but i still pass.v happy.thought i was going to fail.then after that had np.had atc briefing. IM IN GROUP 5!haha.with yk and clare.had bonding session with groupmates.beccks cnadz and bee in campfire committee.haha.then after that stayed back with pt claud candz and becky to do final discussion of pop at tbp.the games are so fun.WHEE!haha.left there onli at like 8?reach home at 9 i think.and my voice sucks la.was like having sore throat.i felt like a toad or frog man.yucks.

fri.
hm.wad happen huh?onli rmberd that i had listening compre (o levels).it was darn tricky la.gosh.waited for so long for it to finally start.was like quarantined in school frm 0230.but ours only start at 4.30.and 4.30 is only to get seated lor.the lc only started at 5.i was so sleepy that i fell asleep.after that went to tbp with farz and malikka.we were discussing our anniverssary.
*me and farzies anniversary-05june2004
*me and malikka-07july2005
*farz and malikka-12july2005
and we realise that me and farz'z anniversay date plus me and malikka's anniversary date equals to farz and malikka's anniversary date.haha.anw.left tbp at ard 6.30?yupp.then had religious class.then after that someone called me.talk for like dunno how long.i fell sleep while talking.v paiseh.was too tired ba.

todae.
went to school for amaths.it was funny la.woke up at 8 and read the msg on my phone.
"please reach skl by 8 tmr.need to do share a thot props......"
i was like SHIT!suppose to reach skl at 8 and i only woke up at 8.was rushing like siao that i ~~forgot to wear my shorts.~~haha.anw.on my way to skl smth funny happen.was looking dwn to take my phone in my pocket.then i realise the man sitting in front of me did not zip his pants.wanted to luff.i know i was mean by not telling him.but wad can i do?he's old and im not sure whtr he'll understand if i speak in english.I ALSO PASS AMATHS.GOT LIKE 14/20.darn happy.after that went tbp with claud becks and ain.clauds gonna get hypertension i tell you.haha.then after that walk around with claud while candice bee and becks go for atc campfire meeting.they are in the campfire committee ma.then after that sent claud home.i was like so nice la.then went back to tbp to meet becks.saw my BEST OF PARTNER, kim yong.haha.then went home with becky.it was so funnay.was like looking thru becky's phone photos.was luffing like crazy.cuz some of it were realli retarded and i cud help luffing.

oh.i forgot that claud who claims herself as PRINCESS OF RAINBOWLAND appoint me as her ROYAL GILA!

okie gtg byee.

2005-07-12T21:33:00.000+08:00

im so stressed up.

the heritage board project thing is do on all the monuments or onli some?
somebody tell me please.

im so stress up that i feel like crying le la.
gosh.
been at this since after school.
gosh.
and until now im not done yet lor.
urghh.

anw.
lets recap abt today.
during pe malikka sprained her waist.
my poor gurlfren.
haha.
very funny how.
my boyfriend is farzie.
but malikka is my girlfriend.
haha.
funnay man.
but anw.yea.
she very poor thing.
cudnt walk properly la.
hope she'll b better tmr.

after that did nothing much.
disected a goat's heart during bio prac lesson.
disgusting man.
but yea.
afterall it was a nice experience.

then had assembly.
so boring.
i nearly fell asleep la.
did the lifestyle survey thing.
i think its so dumbla.haha.
but yea.still.
stayed back till like 3.
cuz was suppose to end at 3 but i did faster so ended at like 2.30.
so me and claud decided to eat lunch.
stayed back until around 3 then went home.

OH..OH..OH
claudia brought his son, benji today.
is that how u spell his name, claud?
haha.
anw. yea.
manage to carry him home but din bring it home.
claud wudn allow man.
anw.yea.

thats basicallu all la.
gtg le anw.

ciao!

2005-07-11T22:30:00.000+08:00

hmmm.
very tired.
went to school with stomach pain.
was very scared it would b appendicitis.
cuz its at the right and exactly where the appendix is.
so yea.
esh made me run mass run along the corridor early in the morning and me damn hyper.
din sleep until 4.45am ytd.
which meant that i onli slept for like 15 mins?
but that esh made me luff so much early in the morn that i din feel sleepy at all.

during assembly was funnay.
was taking attendance.
then din realise mr.m was sanding right behind me.
then when i turn around i nearly hit him la.
so i burst out luffing.
then malikka and sya they all were luffing.
damn malu la.
i hope noone else saw though.
oh my.

anw.
during bio stomach realli cudn take it.
felt so unwell.
so i took a rest and sleep.
the rest of the day also like that.
man.
in hope tmr wud be better.

after sch had np.
taught the sec2s knots.
well we had MOI too.
was quite fun though.
then after that stayed back with pt and claud at mobil to discuss abt POP.
onli left there at like 0730.
reach home at like 0830 la.
did emaths.
and here i am blogging.
anw.gtg now.
wanna continue with hmwk.
tata~!

2005-07-11T00:41:00.000+08:00

hmm juz completed sana course things.
whoa very tired.
i still have poster to do damn it.
time check:12.42 am.
im so tired.

my left hand cannot take it le.
mum forced me to wake up at 7.30 in the morning juz now.
cuz she wanted to bring me to the docs to take jab for chicken pox.
was like so sleepy at the docs la.
din wanna wake up.
juz wanted to continue sleeping.
was having such a nice dream and mum juz had to intrude into it.
anw yea.
the jab wasn painful.
but the after effect was quite painful though.
like now.
bleh.

anw.ytd had np.
MOI.
haha.
had MOI and WOC.
my throat felt like its gonna burst le la.
haha.
but yea.still.
it was very beneficial.
learn alot of stuff.
all the cis were present.
candice was my prtner for the MOI.
had a hard time trying to teach them ke-kanan pusing.
but we got nice compliments like we are patient. . . right candice?haha.
had to do MOI twice.
had to help yakka. cuz her partner did not come.
whic is ...LAUREN.
she had ndp.
but well.it was a nice experienced.
all of us were shock at the end of the day when jaz's bag got stolen.
she lost some of her money too.
all of us went around the whole school finding.
in the end it was at the top of the staircase at outside the auditorium.
but well whoever took her bag, will receive her punishment in her own way.
but all of us are juz glad that jaz found her bag.

well erm tmr have np.
i haven got ready anything yet.
i guess i gotta go le.
wanna go do my poster now.
haha.

yawns-

2005-07-08T23:21:00.000+08:00

had oral todae.
screw up abit.
couldnt talk lor.
kept on going erm erm erm like like like.
damn it.
pissed with myself.
was the second one to go couse had higher mother tongue at 4.
me and ain was like damn pissed la cuz highter mother tonggue push back frm 4-6.
i was like damn tired la.

im seriously deproving in malay.
HELP!
i cant do this to myself.
doing olevels this year lor.
if i deprove furthur i can juz die for my olevels result la.
onli got like 43/70 for compo and 58/80 for the normal paper.
sux man.
and me and ashikin are the HOT sisters.

i still have to do the sana logbook which is like due this monday.
then still have the heritage badge project to do.
man.
im like so busy la.
then still got dance steps to memorize.
and i really cant make for the dance.
damn funny la.

tmr having np frm 8-12.
then going qiqi's house for dance.
and there will b MOI tmr.
we are so totalli gonna b dead.

im so tired.
i wanna go sleep le la.
tmr have to wake up early.
yupp.

2005-07-07T23:00:00.000+08:00

u make me jealous.
ure in love with THAT thing! :(
but i know u love me more.

and EMIL is not a starfish anymore.
SHES A SEA CUCUMBER!
black goo-ey stuff.
she calls me a piece of shit.
and she herself is a black gooey stuff.
doesnt that make her any difference frm me?
wahaha.
funnay man.

haha.
ok.
todae.nothing much.
had emaths test.
freaking hard.
cudnt do some of the questions.
haha.
improvise dance steps.

QIXIN I KNOW HOW TO DANCE LE!!!!

haha.
me happy.
after like so long.
haha.

anw.after that had np.
took my sgt rank todae.
made me happy too.
then come the not so nice part.
had MOI drills.
shall not elaborate.

anw.yea.
i got nothing to say le.
tmr have lit test.
ahhhhh.
and having english oral too.

thats all.
i still love the BED.

2005-07-05T23:21:00.000+08:00

shafina=piece of shit
emil=BRAINLESS STARFISH!
haha.

anw.
yea.
woke up today with an ache on my right neck.
damn pain arh.
was frowning all the way to school.
i was ~~traumatised~~.
claud and becca...u know y ryt?
haha.
then din do alot of hmwk.
but manage to do all of it by the time lesson started.
cuz copy ma.
haha.
cudn b bothered was too tired.
after school went to the police land division for a visit.
was very sick.
my neck was still hurting though.
but still.
the policeman purposely choose me for his last question for me to answer.

policewoman:can i choose the last person to answer my last question?
us:yea.
policeman:erm i choose.i choose the one who ask me about my experience during th e tsuname and nicole highway.
me:hmm?-looks away-
pm:aiya u la.

damn funny lor.
the question was about some shoplifting thing.
haha.
i still think it was hilarious.
i mean OF ALL PEOPLE LARH!

and for youth day. . .
no comments except for...
i chnage my fav place.

fav place: HER BED.

wahaha.

see my bad luck monster alot today.
AHHHHH.

2005-06-30T22:23:00.000+08:00

hm.

school finally started.
so many activities going on.
gonna be damn busy.
ahh.so stress.
there'll b white hair on me soon. =(
timetable changed.
got new teachers for certain subjects too.
mr john teo our new bio teacher for the odd number ppl in the class. . .according to reg number.
we also heard that he's gonna b our co-form teacher.
OH GOODNESS!
but ive got nth against it.
ill juz wait for the news. =)
and mis goh ws is our new english teacher.
shes nice so far.

anw.
had np interview todae.
wasn that bad la although i was like damn nervous.
imagine 4 pairs of eyes staring back at you while you're talking.
giving u the feeling like as though theyre gonna prounce on u and eat you up if u say anything wrong.
but the officers and cis there are nice la.
i know they are not that violent de.
haha.
but.
got shot down by sum of the questions asked.
got stucked.
but it was damn funnay.
and bee kuan is the rubber band girl in our squad man.
wahaha.
its finally over.
only waiting for the rest of the squad to b interviewed next week and then onli left for waiting for the results of which position we get.
candice is my partner for the specialised course thingy.
so lucky.
haha.

tmr's YOUTH DAY!!

but its also my o level oral lor.
cant go out and celebrate.
but i think my mum gonna allow me go out on monday.
haha.
cuz i wanna celebrate ma.
hope she allows can le la.
haha.

okie.
gtg le.
byee.

2005-06-26T22:55:00.000+08:00

hmm.

change skin.
nicer i think.
sick of black background.
so yea.
decided to change to a white background one.

hm.
i dunno wad to say.
im so tired.
guess wad?
i haven finish my hmwks yet ok!
shoots lor.
but i dun care a wee-bit of it lor.
onli left with bio and lit.
yupp.

been lazing around the past few days.
gtg le.
have to go and prepare skl u and stuff.

din
juz remember. . .im always here fer you ok?

and to you.
dun lie to me ok.you 4-time lor.4!!! gosh.~~but i love you still~~.

2005-06-22T21:27:00.000+08:00

had sana ytd.
bus driver took us to wrong way.
so yea took very ong to reach the hq.
and there a beig quarrel in the bus.
cudn stand it.
cuz i dun like it wen ppl quarrel.
i can juz go crzy one ok.

i dunno wat to sae le la.

someones gonna bring me out.
haha.
wadeva la.
im crzy.

anw.gtg.
byee.

2005-06-17T21:26:00.000+08:00

IM IN SQUAD THREE!

had been having LMSC for the past two days.
very tiring although we dun do much of physical stuff.
cuz we onli learn soft skill.
and this means. . .
lecture. .
lecture. . . and
MORE LECTURES!
quite boring.
but like the practical parts.
learn alot of stuff.
LURVE the team building gamaes.
today we had to create our own team building game.
most of the group use unoriginal idea..
but our group came out with an original idea.
haha.
was very fun.
although i forgot to bring my track pants todae and almost got teresa into trouble.
sorry teresa.
but meera maam was nice enough cuz she din punish me but got warned.
hehe.
dun wanna go into details la.

and i totalli cant b an nco la.
cant teach properly de lor.
i totalli cant make it la.
but in all i quite like the camp although the food not that nice ba.
haha.
yea i like.
hehe.
k la gtg.
wanna study for tmr's test.

u.
ure hurting me than u know it.
hurts.
care?
love?
izzit still there?

2005-06-15T02:18:00.000+08:00

putting up a strong front
hard and difficult
her inner-self was hurt

promises all broken
by those painful words
her anger burns
her feelins were hurt

her hopes crushed
by reasons too absurd
her soul wounded;
shattered
again, she was hurt

deeply hurt, she cries
but noone hears
needing a shoulder to cry on
a friend to rely on
but was anybody here?

2005-06-15T02:10:00.000+08:00

hmm. lets see.
time check: 2.10am.
im not a sleep yet.
currently watching ms universe.
haha.
dun b crazy and think that im staying up juz to watch that.
its juz that...
i CANT SLEEP.
smths bothering me.
so decided to watch tv.
and here i am blogging.

earlier todae.
went to b-dazzleed to have ear check up.
she said my ears are in good condition.
and yada yada yada..
after that went to the lib to do hmwk with sis and cousin.
we are the CHARLIE'S ANGEL man.
at least thats wat we use to call ourselve.
until we recruited another member who is our cousin la.
mayb change to FANTASTIC FOUR?
haha.
after that join rest of family at je swimming complex.
then mum gave the shirt my aunt bought for us.
cuz she went on a holiday last week ma.
yupp nice.
nike one lor.
chio.
took the white one cuz sis wanted the black one.
it makes me look fat though.
but its nice. =)

was hurt though.
but yea.
i dunno la.

~~i dunno why you are acting these way.~~
i dun understand.
ill sltill love you.

2005-06-12T22:07:00.000+08:00

hmmm.
todae.
lets see wat i did.

woke up quite early.
then follow mum to grandmas house.
played with cousin.
hmm.
sad.
he and his parents going back to indonesia soon.
so cant see them for very long.
but its ok.
then after that followed mum to market.
but we left my grandma house too late.
so most of the market close liao.
so we went supermarket.
bought all the necessary stuff...
then went home.
watch mtv movie and did complete emaths hw.
folowed my amaths.
left it halyway done.
and here i am!
using the net!

created my greatest masterpiece ever.
haha.
now currently uploading pics and listening to behind these hazel eyes.
drwning in it.
cuz feeling too sad.
nvm.

2005-06-08T21:57:00.000+08:00

i got a star bracelet frm candice!!!
very nice/
thanks gal!
(=

and i got my ears pierced ytd.
very happy also.
mums bad mooding me.
dunno y.
like ath.
but nvm.
i dun care either.

DIDI: URE THE MEAN ONE LOR!! MEANYPOKK!

2005-06-06T19:53:00.000+08:00

so sad lor.
how can she scold me la.
i mean it as my sisters fault.
yet she scolded me.
wth.
but its ok.
ill hold everything inside as long as i can.

i mean it was my sis fault that she brought the cam out and affecting my enrichemnet course juz now.
but yet i was the one scolded.
i sacrificed the cam so that her birthday wun b spoiled.
but yet not a thanks frm her.
and i scolding summore.
i feel so helpless.
but nvm..
mayb i should really get aids and die.
since like rebecca said..
feeling tired easli is one of the symptoms of having aids.
mayb i am a carrier of it.
then will die faster.
and that wud give peace to the family right?
i never felt like a part of the family anyway.
so i shud juz die.
i cant stand it animore

2005-06-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

i wan that racer back tank top!

nevermind.
i shall ask my father if he can buy for me.
since my mummy dun wanna buy for me.
haha.
was bad-mooding juz now.
cuz firstly i cant buy the tank top
then after that we miss the 188 bus.
muz wait for so long.
din talk to my mum or sis.

BUT!
i saw jaz in the buz
its really a small world man.

then alighted from the bus.
mum and sis wanted to go other shops first.
i walked away and go home first.
cant b bothered to follow them.

tired now.
i dunno wad to sae le.

off then!
bye.

2005-06-03T16:35:00.000+08:00

2 MORE DAYS 2 MORE DAYS 2 MORE DAYS!!!
-bounces around happily-

very sad now.
mummy din allow me go support my squaddies for their shooting competition.
wanna cry already larh.
was like so happie wen ms lau said that it would b okay if i follow them.
then called mummy...
she say CANNOT leh!
i can onli give morale support frm home.
i wish i was there.
not like say got anything to do at home arh.
but nvm.

reached sch early.
cuz me and becks took cab.
cuz i reach the mrt station at 0945 alr.
then i rmbed i was suppose to bring smth for becks.
wun mention it here.
but yea.
so we decided to take cab to sch.
had to make a stop at my house first.
made my brother cum down and pass me the thing.
so yea.
cab fare was like 11?
ergh.
waste my money la.
lucky we divided the cost.
or else i go broke le la.

reached skl but onli sum were there.
onli 8 ppl came tday.
then had briefing for tmr's competition.
after that proceeded with decoration of rooms for the comp.
my group location changed to millenium classroom.
so we cudn decorate our place until like 1300?
i decided to help around.
helped yakks group.
so hilarious.
i got bullied and abused by yakks k.
she very mean.
i go there specially to help her she went to take the whiteboard duster and put it on my face leh.
then she do the sasme on my shirt and my face again.
ILL HAVE PIMPLES OUTBURST!
then i decided to take revenge.
she chase me around and put her foot on my shirt leh.
and there was like shoe print on it.
aaahhhh~!
yakka ure abusive!!!
after that me and 3 sec2s-denise, ni fong and one more dunno her name.sorrie arh...
aniwaes.yeah.
we decorate the supposedly autopsy room.
AND I HAVE TO BRING MY BOLSTER!!
hmpf. )':
after that decorated the millenium classroom.
ITS AIR-CONDITIONED!!!
wahaha~!
cool man.

going out w darling on sunday to celebrate one year anniversary.
haha.
I LOVE MY BOYFREN!!!

aniwae yeah thats all.
gtg.
byee.

2005-06-03T08:57:00.000+08:00

lets see.
wads the time now.
0900.
in half and hours of time im going out to school le.
meeting becks at 0945.
have np tday.
have briefing and decoration of the rooms for the csi competition tmr.
quite happy that im able to get out of house though.
haha.

ytd i went SNOW CITY!
i got in with the price of $3.50 instead of $12.90.
woohoo~!
cuz im an ntuc policy holder.
wahaha.
it was like so cold arh.
but very very fun.
me and cuzzie were like playing snowballs.
had competition of who can make the biggest snowball.
then after that we attack my sis with the snowballs.
we had a snowball fight then. =D
i got attacked by my brother and cuzzies.
my ear were like numb.
overall it was damn fun la.
i wanna go again!
offers going out to everyone.
anyine interested to go with me call me ok?
haha.

well gtg le.
need to get ready for np.
will blog later if can.

2 MORE DAYS TO ME AND BOYFREN'S ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

2005-06-01T15:22:00.000+08:00

erh.
bored now.
nth to do.
finally get to use the com.
ahaha.(:
realli very bored leh.

mange to do some of the amaths quest.
ACHIEVEMENT man~!
haha.

ooo.
i juz receive a call.
im going out now.im going to the library at westmall!
haha.

tata people~!
haha.
-beams =D

2005-05-31T15:51:00.000+08:00

bad-mooding now.
y cant sum people juz trust me?
-pouts

aniwae lets recap.
had LMSC=leadership and mentoring skills course briefing todae.
juz found out its not ncopc.
cuz the sir said that ncopc is december later.
yea.anw.
woke up at like 0630.
meet yakks and candz at bb mrt station at 0800.
then walked to outram sec from outram mrt station with other squaddies and guimei maam.
had briefing until like 1030?
den after that we went to macs with pt candz claud becks yakks and me!
they wanted to eat breakfast.
but i never like gg macs so i ended up not eating anything.
after that i rmbed that i brought my cam along.
so we started taking pics of each other.
very fun!
all of us were like self obssessed.
becks did a pole dance leh!check that out.
but i can onli upload finish my album at 8.
cuz sum of my pics in candz com.
then she onli coming back from ballet at 7.
then she sending me the photos later.

after that went candz house and started taking crap pics.
but they were damn nice k?
first time i took so much pics in my life in a day.
haha.
cant help it ba.

then reach home.
mum haven cook rice.
and im like damn hungry la.
haven eat proper breakfast.
and not lunch either.
thot of eating at home ma.
then in the end rice not cook.
so sad lor.

owells wadeva la.
tmr no skl.
have to start on hols assignment.
sigh.
hate hols man.

k gtg le.
byee.
shall blog again later if i have the time.

emil:i AM HOT ok!

2005-05-30T15:55:00.000+08:00

hm.
came back from skl like 1 hour ago.
had to give decoration items to the maams.
reach skl at like 12.30.
went to skl with candz and yakks.
on the way to skl saw guimei maam.
was like damn shock.
cuz candz and yakks went "oh my god!"
i was like "wads up??"
then i saw wad they saw.
i totali went "SHIT!"
cause my shirt was not tucked in at all.
but luckily she din do anything.
thank goodness for that.
-phew.
reach skl and realise noone was there.
so waited and waited.
finish giving the stuff at like 1?

went mobil and ate my supposedly lunch.
the noodles tday damn hot and spicy.
like me...
haha.darn ego.
-winkz.
after that.
i started taking pics of becca and my boyfren.[farzie!]
i love you darlinggg..woohoo~
then me and becks decided to buy ice cream cuz my lips were like burning and becks decided that shes not full yet.
that pig.no offence.haha.
took pics of our ice cream oso.

then after that.
went home with candice.
she was like carrying a pail.
look damn spastic.
took spastic pics of her.
took a lot of pics la hor.
in the bus oso.
then sum chij girls were staring at us.
can help it la hor...
me and candice too chio le..haha.

and now im at home.
trying to use the com before mummy cum back from work which is like 5?
or else shes gonna kill me de lor.
listening to we belong together currnetly.
damn nice la the song.
the music video nice oso.

tmr got ncopc briefing.
info:quarter u.[shirt not confirm yet.]
meet at outram mrt station @ 8.45am.
and.
the day for the decoration of the csi room is changed to thursday,11 am.

got bad stomachache la.eeiyer.
damn.
always like this lor.
i dunno wad to write le.
and my hols schedule is like damn pack la.

lets see.
first week.
mon=give deco items[1230]
tues=ncopc briefing[9-??]
thurs=decorate csi room.[11-??]
second week.
mon=digital photography[8-5]
tues=digital photography[8-5]
wed=ss[0730-900], geog[900-1030], emaths[1100-1230], emaths[1330-1500].
thurs= chem[0900-1030], emaths[1300-1500]
fri=ss reexam[0730-0900], emaths[1330-1500]
third week.
thurs-sat= ncopc.[forgot the time]
forth week.
tues= sana course
thurs-sat= cameron highland trip[not confirm yet tho]

thats how pack my schedule is man.
confirm die liao la.
and my mum haven found me a tutor.
shit.
aniwae.
ya gtg le.

im crazy over you.

2005-05-29T18:39:00.000+08:00

todae.
nice day.
so much things happen.
ill spare the details.
wun say it.-zipped- :X

[12pm-2pm]
ill cherish every moment that happen todae.
i wun give it up for anything.
i wun.
i was so close to ______ you.
dun ever do this again ok?
promise me?
ill always love you.

my favourite place:the staircase.

i wud appreciate it if you juz get out of my life okay.dun wreck my life anymore ok.enough is enough.
like ive said.
two words:go away
one word:please?

2005-05-28T23:10:00.000+08:00

i hate you.
get that?!

I HATE YOU!

know wad?
i dun wanna see you ever again.
ever.

i hate you...so much..

y do everyone do the same to me huh?
very fun playing with my feelings ryt?
foreget

to the others:
get this messasge across.
ive let her go.
HAPPY NOW?!

you:im glad i still have you.i love you.

2005-05-27T17:11:00.000+08:00

hmm.
nothing much happen todae either.
had a bad stomachache in the morning.
threw up.
wasn well then.

had lessons.
amths and emaths.
i have to sit for retest for ss.
dammit.
passing mark is 60%.
how can i ever do that lor.bleh.
then we have to cum back for like so much lessons.
the second week of skl hols...totalli the whole week need to come back.
EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!
so much so for the word HOLIDAE!
rubbish man.
im juz gonna die frm exhaustion.
still got np activity.
im seriously gonna die lor.
BUT wad to do?
blame it on my stupidity.

stop it okay?
STOP IT!!!
STOP IT!!!
leave me alone.

two words:go away
one word:please?

2005-05-26T13:50:00.000+08:00

juz came back from school.
had emaths and amaths lesson.
ended early actually.
at like around 1015 instead of 1030.
BUT!!!!
i had to stay back to finish up my homework.
owells.
was accompanying emil at the same time.
cuz her parents have to come down to meet teacher oso ma.
my mummy came down at like 9.30.
but i was still having lesson.
she was damn early la.
cuz her appointment onli at 10.
so she waited for half an hour.
felt quite bad.
but yea.
the parent meeting thingy was ok.
heard wonderful things abt me from mr tan.
but he still said i should buck up.
he offered to help me summore.
well...
THANKS THOUGH!
got back results.
my percentage and madeleines percentage onli 0.1% diff.
but our class position is like 19 position different.
cuz shes 16th and im 35th.
haha.
im damn lousy i know.
but owells.
ill study de.
during the hols.
ill make sure of that.

very boring now.
nothing much to do online.
no ones online either.
i think ill go out sumwhere.
dun wanna stay at home doing nothing.
so borring summore.

well gtg le.
bye.

~~missing you.~~

2005-05-25T21:42:00.000+08:00

my shoulder hurts arh.
dunno why.
DAMMIT!

aniwaes.
i lurve today.
my SURPRISE too. (((:
was taken aback.
twice le arh.
forehead.neck.
-smiles-
and youre strong man.
cudn run away k.
nvm ill b stronger than u one day.
trust me.

aniwae.yea.
din have much lessons except for amaths la.
stupid lor.
they sae the whole sec3 cohord din do well.
~~BULLSHIT~~ la.
oops censored.
a girl cud actually score 100 for amaths leh.
bleh.
bloody genius man.
owells.
i know i din do well.
parents gonna get a tutor for me.
ahhhh.
sae goodbye to my freedom.
i get damn high for my L1R5.
goodness.nearly had to see principal or vp or hod.
but in the end is i culculate wrongly.
so parents onli need to see form teacher.

I HAVE LESSONS TOMORROW!!!
its suppose to b a school holiday.
~~DAMN~~ amaths and emaths larh!
have to go for amaths:8-9.
emaths:9-1030.
wth.
i dun wanna wake up early early one.
damn la.
tsk.
but nvm.
its for my own good.-pukes-

photoshoot was screwd too.
as usual i was the shortest again.
did i ever grow for the pats 2 and half years?
argh.
dammit.
aniwae yea.
the formal shot i was trying my best not to smile.
funneh man.
then fun shot was stupid k.
was doing our pose but the squaddies behind me...
dunno who..
keep pushing me.
then as soon as the person sae
"one..two..three...click!"
i fall one step down leh.
haha.
luckily it wasnt that obv.
or else i die le.
malu man.

after np.
went to tiong with candz and yakks.
ate ljs.
nice nice.
then after that went home lor.
haha.

~~i love you.muackz.~~

2005-05-22T22:20:00.000+08:00

today is my com day...
so yea here i am blogging now.

not feeling too good ryt now.
ntg much happen either.

mum pissed me off while going to relatives house for house-warming.
put my mood dammit low.
was tearing.
but was hiding it away under my fringe.
missed ~~her~~ too much that i din have any appetite to eat at all.
so ended up onli drinking 2 glasses of water.
din even eat breakfast.
den reach home and rot.
watch tv.
fell asleep.
too tired thinking of ~~her~~.
kept making me sad.
den woke up and watch what a girl wants.
and came online.
joke and crap around with aisyah.
guess wad?
she has a jellyfish eye.
wahaha.

truth:i got no mood to luff.

you left without telling me.i waited.i woke up early and waited.but yet.no answers from you.i decided you left.but you know wad hurt me most?its the fact that you din even say goodbye.do you know how much i miss you.thinking of you every single passing seconds feels like ive been waiting for you to come back since forever.it makes me cry.but yet.trying to hide it hurts more.sometimes i realli wonder wat i mean to you.i love you...but did u ever love me?

2005-05-21T14:03:00.000+08:00

hmm.
mum not at home now.
so using the time to update blog la.
ya.
im gonna write abt obs.
brr
its so cold now la pls....
raining non-stop

day1.
reached camp1.sorted to our groups.im in SHACKLETON!hm.instructor:YONGKANG..den off we go to camp 2!introducing session as usual.watchmates!shafina,emil,madeleine,jazlyn,caihua,kelly,jaime,rowenna,liling,amy,wangjin,giek keat,yizhou[dunno how to spell] rachel,sakinah,ashikin.den after that went to our store.i was appointed as the store i/c.wahaha.hilarious.theres like so much things in there.sakinah was the i/c for the day and emil our food i/c.aniwae yea.we packed the tent stuff into the tent bag and were asked to change to our wet attire.SO!i wore shorts without applying insect repellent.i tot go to sea ma.then hor.it appears we gonna pitch tent up in the forest!i was infested with 21 bites by e time i came out from e forest.den did kayakking.capsize drill.so fun!den after that went to bath.den cooked dinner.still rmb.the soup of the noodles damn diluted man.then had to bury the left over food in the sand.me and caihua finished up the remaining baked beans!and we din fart alot k!then we went to sleep!but i was already missing mainland.regretted surrendering my phone.

day2.
woke up and ate breakfast.i/c for the day:kelly.we had morning circle.did our group poster which consist of our goals.then change to climbing attire.went to do bilaying.dunno how to spell it tho.then it started raining.very badly and long too.so had to went back to store and seek shelter.had lunch there too.after that.us and 4 other watches played games.forgot who they are le.the first our watch lose.forfeit:we had to sing with actions included.and we sang the never ending song.dammit funneh man.haha.then the second game we WON!by completeing the game in 22secs.haha.very happy.our quote for the day:ITS JUZ A GAME!then kelly made our groups favourite curse word:DAMMIT!haha.then we went to our campsite to unpitchour tent.cuz of the rain la.then we were given our packing list for our expedition and had dinner.and den bath.and we packed our expedition stuff.then we go to sleep.cudn sleep that well though.but well.i did sleep in the end.missed singapore more this day.especially her.

day3.
had breakfast.din rain.wnt to the mph and played games with other 3 watches.so its...shackleton,dagama,junko and admunson.then we set off for our expedition.had to hike the forest to find 2 clues which will help in oue sea-expedition the next day.found one onli.but were given the second one after playing a game.the hike was terrible.but we reached in the end.had briefing about how to collect money to buy our sea-ex stuff.my watch and admundson played the inverse tower.overcome my fear of heights here.but we manage to collect 830k onli.but altgtr the 4watches collected 4730k=47300000.way above our target of 4000k.the had our proper dinner cuz we were at camp one and there is canteen there.then had briefing abt our sea-ex.then had supper and we bath.then i had to clear out stuff in my backpack to fit in 16 other ponchos ionto my bag.went to sleep.

day4.
woke up and found our food had been attacked by wild dogs.shocked man.then went to brush teeth and unpitch tents.then time to load our stuff in to the safety boat.had breakfast.after that we had to clear the area where we slept.found all our missing pegs.then time for our sea-ex.
sea-ex leders:aisyah ashikin cherie and michelle.
set off at 7.45.partner with jazlyn.paddle paddle paddle.then after a few hours had to change kayaks.ended up with claudia.cuz claud and izz cudn coordinate.then paddle paddle paddle.after like 3hrs i was alr at the point of giving up.nearly died.claud kept getting seasick.nt her fault tho.and i cried for awhile.at 1145 reached our temptation island.was dammit tired k.my hand nearly came out.realise we kayak 2/3of the island le.after around 10mins we set off again.and guess wat?! i saw a JELLYFISH!whee~!continued kayakking.was diff here cuz waves and currents darn strong.alot of wind oso.then pddle for another 5hrs.claud got dehydrated.but yea.we presevere and finally reached shore.was damn relieved la.kayakked for like 9++ hours leh.got tanned.haha.for the first tym im hppy that im tanned.cuz it wun b fun if im not tanned lor.went to carry the bag of ponchos back to our store.darn heavy k.bt i survived.went to bath.then had dinner.after that.we pitched out tents at the adventure trng place.had to pack our store.i/c for the day :ashikin.she did a great job.after that went to sleep.our tent collapse.but manage to redo it.had a nice sleep.i became caihua's ''hehe" partner.

day5.
last day.quite sad to go off frm obs.but at the same time cant wait to go home.actually more of back to to school.sumones waiting for me.had some last session with our instructor.bought the obs souvenirs.whee~!then we go off!reach mainland and took bus back to school.slept the whole way.was too tired and my body hurts alot.reached skool.she wasn there.damn sad.but den went for luch with claud and becca at mobil.then me and becks took cab back.thks becca!yupp.

thats all for obs.will update tmr again.gtg.my sis using.

2005-05-20T22:55:00.000+08:00

obs was fun ba.haha
back ache now.
was in SHACKLETON!!!
we rawk manx.
haha.
our instructor was YONG KANG.
hahas
hes dammit nice.
cant write much about obs now.
gtg offline soon ma.
yupp.will try to blog tmr.
yupp.

~~im missing u badly.hmm.sigh.hope to see u soon.~~

2005-05-15T22:34:00.000+08:00

obs is tomorrow.
i dun wanna go.

i realli dun wanna go.
i dunno y.
but yea.
sigh.
im gonna miss my bed alot manx.
i hope i wun b homesick like the way i was in atc.
still remember that time in atc...
suddenly i thot of my bed and my pillow and my bolster..
and then i felt like crying.
cuz i realli felt like going home.
i know it sounds silly but i realli felt like crying.
luckily it was already the second last day.
i was so glad to be out of ubin the next day.
haha.
but yea.
I REALLI DUN WANNA GO.

todae-
din realli do much.
bored.
packed my obs stuff.
then wanted to but hairband.
mum was at IMM.
so asked her to help me buy
but she din want to.
i was so pissed that i walked out of house and went to westmall without her permission.
noone knows that i actually went westmall.
go there and buy my stuff.
i dun tink she know till now.
and i doubt anyone knows except for some ppl.
bought quite sum stuff.
haha.
i cant b bothered le.
lets see wad i bought.
- i bought and orange and white wrist band
- orange hairband
- rubberbands
- earsticks.

WAHAHA!

something that i can b happy about lor.
and i got my contacts le!
bought it like yday.
was like so happy
until something happen.
eh lets not talk bout it.

i dunno wat to sae le
im gonna miss alot ppl.
alot alot man.
especially sumone.
[u know hu u are...]
anw.yea.

okie.gtg le la.
yupp.wanna sleep.
later tmr cannot wake up lor.
tata~!
c ya all ppl soon.
that is if i come back from obs. haha.

~~ill miss you alot.i dun even wanna go tmr.nut ill love always. muacks~~

2005-05-14T23:21:00.000+08:00

im sucha freak!
i hate myself!
i dun deserve to live.
i shud die in obs and never come back to mainland.

im so freaking screwd.
wad have i done to myself?
most importantly..
wad have i done to someone's friendship?

"shafina do you know that ure stupid.
now look wad u have done"

someone found out.
omg.
im so freaking dead.
she doesn blame.
but i still feel bad.
i mean how can i not wen all this gonna cuz their friendship to mayb end?!
i put their friendship on the rocks!
wad have done?
cried.
i felt helpless and lost.
i cud onli cry.
[thks dinie for being there...]
i juz felt so sore.
i dunno.
im a bad soul.
i dun deserve to live.
i shud juz die.
i juz wanna go and drown myself in the sea during obs and den i dun have to live animore and face reality.
omigosh.
sumone help me.
i need sumone to talk to RYT NOW!!
but look at the tym?
11.27 PM!
y wud anyone wanna talk to me at this hour?

I NEED SOMEONE NOW.
I JUZ WANNA DIE.

~~i cant even see her on monday.its one week separation and i can even see her for the last time.oh gosh.where is god wen i need him.~~

2005-05-11T21:57:00.000+08:00

EXAMS ARE OVER!!!

can u believe that?haha.im so hyper ryt now.i was like so happy juz now.especially after amaths paper.cuz THAT marks the end of mid years.haha.then after skool.i did the dumbest thing u can eva do after exams..whish is..to go home!!omg i have never done this before.im like at home when more than half of the crescent population is like out celebrating..stupid.but it was ok.cuz i wasn home alone.had one of the greatest times at home.[-secret-]haha.yea so it wasn too bad at all being at home. -beams- then after that went to sleep at around 4 or 5.sleep sleep sleep until 8.30.woke up oso cuz i wanted to use the com.haha.had sucha nice sleep.

BUT ITS NOT ENUF!

im gonna sleep more.to make up for the loss of sleep due to mugging for mid years.hmpf.im gonna b a pig for once. (((:but i desrve it wad.haha.yupp.

anw amaths sux.cudnt do some of it.but yea.i dun care.dun wanna talk about it le.

lets see.oh my sista [qiqi] gonna come my house on fridae!!!!im so happy and EXCITED!!!
gonna have a hell lot of fun.haha.

k la gtg.
~~-having cramps-~~

~~ill love you always..ure mine~~

2005-05-07T18:40:00.000+08:00

hmpf...

happenings?
let see wat happen todae.i dunno.i know i slept at 145am ytd and woke at 11 tdae.woke also becuz mum was shaking me off the bed cuz the family wanted to go for breakfast...but and mysis were still sleeping.so i had no choice but to wake up and bathe and go eat breakfast with them.but i guess it was ok.den went to study bio.theres like so much to study.and im like so tired la.sick of studying le lor.but nvm juz hafta endure for one more killer paper.not like sae others is not killer ppr la.but wad i meant is that pprs that need massive memorization.and this means geog and all the science subjects xcept for physics.so since all that done le so left with bio lor.which is like this monday.haha.so im gonna continue studying after this.

mid years.
papers were hard manx.hm.social studies was crap.i was damn stupid la.i like left a 13marks question blank.except for one sentence.i shud have done the structured question first lor then do the sbq.arghh.i was like so angry with myself.chem was ok but i left one whole page blank cuz i totalli din know how to do that question i din study that part lor.~~pissed~~.the day before these papers i sin sleep lor.was doing massive revision.then next day was physics and goeg ppr.actually planned not to sleep agn.cuz geog realli got alot to study.but i end up sleeping and 10 and onli woke up at 2.den i fell slp agn and onli woke up at 3.felt like crying at that moment k.cuz i know i haven study much abt geog yet.physics ppr was quite hard la.considering the fact that i din really study the first few chapters and the questions came out from there.geog was ooookkkayyy.cuz most of the things that i study came.those that i concentrate less on onli a few questions came out on them.out of the 75 marks for the seq..i know i lose 10 marks le.but i thinks thats quite and achievement.haha.

death of president Wee Kim Wee.
lets observe one minute of silence for him.
-after one minute-
omg.so sad lor.watch a documentary on him.realise that he is damn nice lor.he like grandfather for evryone like that.the ytd was his funeral on tv.was quite sad.felt like crying wen heard his granddaughter's speech.so touching lor.i wished my grandfather was like him.but god loves him more then us.so yea.god bless his soul.ohh and he is cute too.

aniwaes.gtg le.
wanna study.

to all the np cadets in singapore especially creznp and my squaddies....
HAPPY NPCC DAY!!! :))

~~im angry.~~

2005-05-03T21:10:00.000+08:00
i received a love letter...-smiles-

oh no tagboards down todae.
bad bad.
i cant see my tagboard.
anw.
nothing much happen todae.
collected new set of uniform todae.
left it in school tho.
cudnt b bothered to bring it home.
will bring it home tmr.
yupp.
im tired now.
after this gonna study for my chem and social studies.
seriously need to start revising.
dun wanna fail my mid years.
actually im onli afraid of my english result.
dun wanna retain.
yupp.
anw.this fridae np day.
need to reach skl at 0645.
so early k?
sigh.but at least becca's father can send me.
thks becks. :)))

k la gtg le.
wanna go study le.

~~cant imagine life without you..~~
~~i wanna be with you all my life..~~

2005-05-02T23:06:00.000+08:00
finally my blog is done.
like the new template.
we both like it.
so yeah.
haha.
not much tym to update.
im trying to finish this whole post up before mum and dad come back.
dammit.
i dun tink i can make on time man.
arghh.
im so tired now.
but im happy too.
anw.gtg.
try to blog a longer one next time.

~~i love you always..forever~~

2005-05-01T13:49:00.000+08:00
AHHH!!!

blogskins is down.this sux.i need a change to my blog skin.arghh.shall come back later.

2005-04-29T15:22:00.000+08:00
terrible.
malay was terrible.so mamy things i dunno lor.sux man.and the compo titles was ~~shitty~~ man.worst than english man.the topics were like some crazy things man.cant stand..but owells.its over.now waiting for next week for the rest of the paper.argh that will b more terrible man.and.i slept during paper two.like AGAIN?! ergh im sucha loser man.cants stand it.then kartinie came and she squuezed my shoulder.i woke up instantly.then smiled at her.haha.bleh.

obs.
got like two weeks before obs.i dun wanna go lor actually.not really looking forward to it actually.but the good thing is i wun b using my phone for 5 days.and that will mean i get to save one week of phone expenses.and that will also mean lesser phone bills...MORE MONEY SAVED!!!haha.not like this month.bill jumped too high.luckily phone not taken by mum.else i die le.

eh gtg le.my sis wanna use the com le.
getting sick of blogskin.
gonna find new one later.

I'm so in love with you
You mean the world to me
Your all that i got in the world
I feel so safe with you
You make me very happy
You always make me laugh
You just make me feel good about myself
Your the love of my life

2005-04-28T18:37:00.000+08:00
im tired..

todae.
had english paper todae.well.it was ok ba.the passage was abt sum seahorse thingy and mantis shrimps.stupid man.and the vocab horrible man.so difficult k.was juz using common sense to answer the vocab question.and i din exceed word limit for summary todae!wahaha.i hope i can do well for english.i dun wanna retain arh.it was funneh man.i kept on falling asleep dunring the compre.i cudn even read the second passage properly.i read one sentence of each paragraph and ill just fall asleep can?horrible man.luckily i still have tym to finish up my compre in the end.-phew- the composition questions was equally terrible.took dunno how long to decide on which one to write.in the end i ended up writing my newspaper report first.for the part one of the paper choose the topic4.stg abt helping sumone overcome a setback.stg like that la.i hope i wun keep on falling asleep during malay tmr man.quite scared actually.haven memorise finish my idioms..(wat the hell am i doing here then man?)not much happen after that actually.went out.had fun.i think im really mad gg out during exam period.but who cares?haha.

hurts.
stupid k...ytd was reading sum stuff frm papers.and sumhw one of the corners of the papers juz have to went right straight into my eyes.omg.the pain was indescribable man.cudn open my eyes after that.then keep on tearing.woke up this morning with a swollen eyes.hurt so much.it kept tearing during the english paper la.damn.i finish up a whole pack of tissue.and im sitting right under the fan summore.and it juz had to rain todae.wind frm outside the class and the fan on top of me was making my eyes hurt damn badly.realli felt like giving up doing the paper and go home.but i mange to juz continue doing.hehe.

scary.
went to the toilet beside the lib this morning.it was very dark xcept for the light frm the toilet brightening up the area there.then wen i went out of the toilet.i very stupid went to take a peek inside the lib frm outside the toilet.then....i saw stg which i din xpect to see.there was like a white cloth at the side of the door.it looks like as though sumone was hiding frm the side of the door.i got so scared that i juz ran away frm that area.after skl went to check out whtr there was like any cloth or anything.and true enuf there wasn any la.ergh.gosh spooky man.not gg there in the morning anymore man.

i dunno wat to write le la.guess ill stop here.need to off the com before father comes back frm work.yupp.

i love you to bits and pieces dear.

i wish upon a star
that no matter how far apart we are
you will find me and you will see
how perfect are we
i wish that
if for some reasons my wishesdont come true
that theres another person out there wishing for me
hopefully that person is you.

ill never let you go....

2005-04-27T21:01:00.000+08:00
exhausted..sick..

todae.
had hmt listening compre.wanted to go home after skl.as in dun go hmt then heard its listening compre test so i stayed in skl.tmr english exam!!!!die lai very scared k.never passed english before.and i dun wanna retain arh.sigh.wish me luck man.took loads of pics in skl.

nicee tchers.
todae most of them their last lessons with us lor.ytd was miss chu's last lesson todae was miss ong.oh no.so sad lor.all our nicee tchers gg back to nie le.gonna miss them loads man.

now.
talking to sum ppl online.ntg much to do.got to talk to mi god sis too!ahh.im very happy todae although im quited tired still.cant wait to get to my bed.den can juz lie down.cuz got no hmwk todae.haha.

i got ntg to write le la.
gtg le.

to you..i love you.

2005-04-26T21:58:00.000+08:00
we belong together..

finally.
wahaha.finally my com is ok le.very happy k?haha.and i like my new com.damn fast.onli left to put in the anti virus thingy.have to go put it fast fast le before the whole com get infected like the old one.haha.i dunno wat to write!oh no.let see.

todae.
ntg much.theres mass run.im beginning to love mass run.cuz i need to lose weight!!!!omigosh.im fat ok.i mean im growing fat.cant stand it man.im like gaining weight so much lor.ergh.cant stand it.im gonna b a balloon soon.my mum say my cheek fatter le.last tym i wanna gain weight but now i wanna lose weight.im gonna go on a diet.candice lets do it together oki?hehe.im gonna lose 2 kg asap manx.im not gonna eat so much things le.and im gonna study oso.had to bring back all my books todae k.so heavy.still got some left in skl.gonna bring back tmr.

sad.
all my picture collection gone le!cuz all of it in the old com.then forgot to save it in a disket first.sigh.sad manx.all the nice nice picture gone le lor.argh..but nvm.i shall go start new picture collection.wahaha.

mid years.
its like in 2 days tym for english then followed by mother tongue.then ard one week break..and all the massive number of subject papers coming in le.arghh.im gonna die.TUTOR I NEED TUITION! else i die le la.haha.im not a genius u know.

life.
been ok.great actually.haha.not sad alr.so dun worry bout me le k?im alrite..perfectly fine.so yea.no worries.

~~you.~~
dunno whtr ull read this.but thks for being there in my life oki?u mean alot to me.i hope things will stay this way.i dun wan anything to change.ure everything to me.thks for being there all this while.dun ever let go oki?*tolatolauevoli*

if ure asking if i need you
the ans is forever
if ure asking if ill leave you
the ans is never
if ure asking wad i value
the ans is you
if ure asking if i love you
the ans is i do

2005-04-14T20:30:00.001+08:00
my life took a turn again..

me.slacking.
my life took a turn again for the better.im happy.ive letten go of her completely.COMPLETELY.tmr got amaths test.sure fail again lor.sickening manx.test here test there.ill juz die manx.haven been doing my home works cuz ive been falling asleep everytym i try to do my homework.ill get a demerit tickets soon man.can i juz like die now?

promo.
had sgt promo last week hope ill pass.dun wanna fail again.suppose to finish up my first class drills last wk oso.but no tym again lor.so tmr i have to go stc and do promo AGAIN! sigh.im like so bloody tired man.

pokk.
im realli sorry.din know that it wud offended you.din mean it at all.

evrytym i kiss i feel ur lips
and everytym i cry i see u smile
and evrytim i close my eyes
i realise..
that everytym i hold ur hand in mine
the sweetest thing my heart cud ever find
and i have never felt this way..
since the day i gave my love away..

~~i love you.you know hu u are.~~

2005-04-14T20:30:00.000+08:00
my life took a turn again..

me.slacking.
my life took a turn again for the better.im happy.ive letten go of her completely.COMPLETELY.tmr got amaths test.sure fail again lor.sickening manx.test here test there.ill juz die manx.haven been doing my home works cuz ive been falling asleep everytym i try to do my homework.ill get a demerit tickets soon man.can i juz like die now?

promo.
had sgt promo last week hope ill pass.dun wanna fail again.suppose to finish up my first class drills last wk oso.but no tym again lor.so tmr i have to go stc and do promo AGAIN! sigh.im like so bloody tired man.

pokk.
im realli sorry.din know that it wud offended you.din mean it at all.

evrytym i kiss i feel ur lips
and everytym i cry i see u smile
and evrytim i close my eyes
i realise..
that everytym i hold ur hand in mine
the sweetest thing my heart cud ever find
and i have never felt this way..
since the day i gave my love away..

~~i love you.you know hu u are.~~

2005-03-26T19:01:00.000+08:00
shes so cute..

my(L-squared).
oh no she's so cute.her smile is damn charming.see her smile hor..it juz brighten me up lor.gosh.too cute le lor.to claud and beck..she IS cute ok.bleh.look forward to see her everyday.she's juz too cute.falling in love with her...SMILE.=))

todae.bored.
went to queensway w claudpokk in the afternoon.need to buy skl skirt.and she need to alter her skirt.make it shorter.went to alter mine too cuz mine was like damn long ar.dun wanna b a toot walking ard the whole skl ma.and one conclusion..claudpokk has bad sense of direction.and after that at the busstop claud rmbed she forgot to bring her hs key and her mum juz went out.so i accompanied her at the bus stop for ard half an hour den i had to leave.was chao tired.

crezawards.
went home to teresa's house after np.to bath and everything.rush to skl cuz thot we were late.but nvm.crezawards this yr not as gd as last yrs.but overall its ok lar.sat bside clarissa.she was damn funneh.sumbody took pic of us and went.."whoa like steads man.."and i went like erps..no lor.haha.layteng was dammit chio lor.she wear until so..nice lar.but well.wasn feeling to good.masking myself the entire evening.dun wanna spoil the mood of the happy ppl ard me.but i gave way after crezwards.was juz too disturbed.

cried.
watch miracle box wen reach hm after crezawards.cried again.cuz too sad.the show damn touching lor.i juz cudn hold myself tgthr animore.went into the room and cried.alot.had so much things in my head.stop myself frm doing things that im not suppose to.but i was juz too sad.ppl keep making me try to forget her.but its not ez dammit.if it was that ez i wudn b here crying suffering through the lonely nights.its not her that is haunting me.im not remembering her animore.im trying my best to let her go and forgetting her.but its the memories.the painful memories.and all the shows that i watch seem to replay those wonderful moments which were then being crushed.its was juz too painful ok..

jean.
i know ure trying my best to cheer me up.and wen it doesn work..its not ur fault okay?pls understand this.its all my fault.ive never fail to make anione stop worrying abt me.be it you..yongni..and god knows if theres any others.im such a saddist ok.i wont blame u if you ever get tired of consoling and cheering me up one day and leave me.i wun blame you.cuz i knw uve tried your best.its juz me..im broken beyond anything else.continue cheering up the lives of the other ppl ard you.dun waste tym on me.i dun wanna hurt you furthur.and i dun wan to make you feel like loser weneva u failed to cheer me up.and..i was realli waiting for ur call.bt mayb its juz that fate nv allow me to talk to u.call me on my hp nx tym ok.and ill miss u loads.

others.
includes farzy and yn.thanks for everything.thanks for being there always.but like ive said.stop wasting tym on me.and this goes out to my squaddies too.

all the pain had been done..
juz...

leave me alone.

2005-03-18T14:56:00.000+08:00
-phew-im done..

im lyk finally done?
did some changes to the template.
well i like it this way tho.
the bloody template keep resetting itself.
been lyk doing it for more than 5 times.
everytym edit the thing reset.tested my patience.
but im finally done.
relieved.
but got some prob with the tagboard.
the words are lyk in black so u cant see ur msg wen ure typing it.
but i guess it shud b ok.
ill try to fix it.

kk gtg le.
wanna go home before i freeze in here.
hands are lyk quite numb.
and im tired.
tired of living.evrything.

2005-03-18T11:48:00.000+08:00
its soo cold now..

march hols.
in the com lab now.had englisg remedial tday with miss woon.onli 4 ppl attended?me claud yh and mad.me and claud came 15mins late and yh?30 mins?haha.but well.the lesson wasn that bad after all.quite fun actualli.seriously for once..english is fun.had been having extra lessons lyk almost everyday xcept for ytd?mon had bio prac.tues had amaths and geog and wed..emaths.it was a wonder on tues that mr phua cud go on scolding on us for lyk 30 mins.amazing ryt?haha.=))i from listen to him hor..burst out luffing lor.

jean.
[monday]
threw her a surprise party at sentosa on monday.was practically hiding frm her.we hid behind sum rocks.and claud such a loser.she was screaming to hx maams ghost story la.like wahahaha!well.for me a became a sand bucket for mengwai maam.cuz she was lyk pouring sand onto and into me.it was funneh tho.had sand all over my body.seriously.evrywhere.my hair was the worst la actually.
[tuesday]
this was the worst part.had to part frm jean.omg.was so sad.we cud have flooded the airport.really dun wan her to go.to start it off i wasn in a good mood wen i reach airport.din join the rest at swensens.came dwn quite late cuz by the tym we came dwn she leaving le.walked jean to the departure gate.din wanna cry but after the hug couldn hold on animore.hugged teresa and cried.den candy called jean.cudn talk to her.cuz both of us were crying.was sobbing.sort of regretted that i din spent enuf tym with her during her last hours.but cant turn back tym.got quite worried at first.cuz flight to indo shud onli take 1 hr and she din msg me until 11?but relieved wen received her msg.
jean:ill miss you alot.well..im missing you alr.take care wen ure in indo and US k?muz write to us.

tears.
been crying alot lately.had too much bottled stuff in me.cried ytd.cuz was watching cd den 3.30 le..wanted to watch another show..but sis put on a deaf ear wen i talk to her.was frustrated.wasn angry cuz i din get to watch my show tho partly it was cuz of that.but more of the realisation of my position in the family.she never listens to me.and that hurt badly.my mum was sweet cuz she was trying to drop hints to my sis that its alr 3.30 and i that i wantd to watch my show.at least that was i thot at first until she scolded me.cuz she askedme whtr there will b any encore of the episode and i said no.den she shoot the hurting words to my face "cant you open ur mouth and tell your sis den?" i was totally disappointd.i tot i had her on my side.so i raise my voice "i told her alr but she ignored..do you know that?" i cudn go on cuz i was choking with tears.i was trying not to cry but it was hurting.and i gave up so i cried as soon as she closed her room door.for the first tym.the tears in my eyes sting my eyes.i cudn control it.

marksmanship.
9 from our sq this year.highest farz and bee.88/90.not bad eh?my boyfrens a shooter man.=))love you loads dear.i din get it tho.was very sad.considering that i din even pass.hw bad is that la.shall not reveal wad i got.but it was bad..it was unfair to sum of us tho.i was hoping i cud pass.nv missed a single armpower trng.but still failed.but realli wud like to thank mandy maam for all e trngs.was tough tho.but for those of us who din pass or din get the marksman badge..at least you help us build our armpower.=)

you.
[you know hu u are]..was glad that ure dere.ure presence knowing that ure dere mean alot to me tho not physically.but mentally knwing that i have someone by me at that tym was more than enuf.thks for letting me confide in you.but still..i dunno y.stg tell me that i shudn be doing that.and im nt suppose to b treating you this way.its wrong.but no matter wad.thks for being there for me weneva i need a companion the most.oh and rmb.hugs cant go on forever.

oki.gtg le.
wanna do stb to my template since i got the tym.
byee.

2005-02-23T10:29:00.000+08:00
its over..finally ct is over..

common test.
todae had maths ONLI! thats like so cool after having at least 3 papers a day for the past few days of ct la.all the test sux.and believe it a not?hmt sux too.i tot i could depend on hmt but i dun tink im gonna score well for hmt paper.it sux la.darn difficult de.dunno hw to go sit for olevels in november.i wud most prob juz flunk the whole paper.

birthday.
have to thank my sis[for once], my darling cousin, zul, khai and fai for celebrating my nirthday with me.without u guys i wud have probably spent my birthday alone kaes?cuz hor..everyone wasn free on that dae.friends all busy studying for ct.parents?mum too busy with work and father sleeping.owells.cant be bothered.

valentines dae.
all hope dashed.planned a nice v day celebration for myself but it was hopelessly being crushed like a piece of paper.well.wad can i do ryt?cried. ~~imsuchecrybaby~~

'tuition'
have to thank yongni for helping all this while and also jean for always there to accompany me so that i wun get bullied alone by my DARLING tutor.bleh.always have soooo much fun having tuition.hope it helps.oh yn..i owe u a treat and u owe me one too.

life.
practically sux.[quote from pt: life is like i a straw.it juz sux]
tho it sound a lil weird to describe life like a straw but it made sense ba.i really am gonna be dehydrated soon.cuz i lose too much water.i really pity my eyes.it hurts man.nw i can face the wind.cuz weneva the wind blow into my face my whole will hurt like s**t.last few days din turn out well either.bad mooding.wanna say sorry to those whose affected.im really sorry.
jean:i really dun mind u coming.dun harbour those thoughts that im angry with u le k?cuz im really not angry with you.and im really sorry for making yopu feel that way.i really din mean it.yupp.im sure u know the reasons y ryt?

lost.
been losing to much things in life.i really feel so sick man.ytd while studying my head hurts badly.and sudden attack of gastric again.cant stand it k?

k gtg le.need to go back for class.

2005-01-29T14:24:00.000+08:00
life is a pack of lies..

life.
its so shitty now.i dun like it.im tired of living too.well i have not much tym to update today.using cluad's com now.and becca's waiting for me too.but i think she's leaving cuz she's got a date.well life's a topsy turvy now.

to her.
thanks for the wonderful time last yr.well i guess its all over now.ill step aside and let her take over my place in ur life.its over between us now ya?u b happy with her k?ive decided to let go of you.ure not mine in the first place.it was a mistake to start loving u.it was juz a wishful thinking on my part.ill juz have to wish u happiness.ill rather u b with her since she's the one who can bring u happiness now.and bot of u like each other too ryt?ill juz walk away for now.byee.

dinie.
thks for being there for the past few days.ure a great help.-hugs-

k gtg.becca's bugging me.

2005-01-14T09:39:00.000+08:00
i miss my blog sooo much man..

finally.
whee.finally i get to blog again after i dunno how many decades le.hahax.oh gosh wad a great feeling man.now in com lab.english lesson.with that stupid ~~woon~~ person.well.juz by looking at her can juz piss me off man.oh wells.at least she bring us to the com lab and gave me the chance to blog.

3S1~.
well.so far so good.im in 3s1 cuz my appeal is successful!so im now taking pure geog instead of pure lit ans elective lit instead of elective hist.the subjects not that bad ba.ill try and i have to make myself like geog.for my own good ba.haha.sitting beside rebecca and regina(rebecca's invisible sister) in class.sitting beside ull never stop luffing man.i think my stomach can juz sprawl out of my body soon.claudia's sitting in front of me.and she's the physics rep.oh!and becca is the bio rep amazing ryt?someone like her is actually a subject rep.oh no she's gonna kill me if reads that.as a matter of fact she's sitting beside me now but did not notice wad im writing.oh and u knw wads the most unbelievable fact of the year?im the class vice-chairperson!can u like believe that?!its like so amazing hor.bleh.

bad vice-chairperson.
know y?me and becca had been happily doing -something- in class.[o0o~that sounds horny..did something..wahahax]rebellious stuff that is.we did two things!only me and becca shall know abt that.hahax.oh and mayb cludia knows abt it too.leave to all to guess ba.cant write wad we did here.later unexpected ppl read how?hahax.

cca day.
cca day todae and im dancing!WOW!!!im like gonna screw up the whole thing la.and i still have yet to settle with mdm kartinie whtr i can b excused from higher mother tongue lesson todae.or else its like..how am i gonna dance?!i plan that if she really not letting me off im gonna ask mdm lim or ms lau to explain my situation to her.hope that itll turn out well.

life.
life?it had been ok so far.tho not too good either.alot of downs instead ups.kidney area had been hurting.dunno y.rebecca's tummy had been hurting too.but she's getting better now.been reaching home like 7 everyday?too busy le.sigh.have to like stay back everyday.so feels very drained out evryday.tired that kind.ohwells.this is sec3 life i guess.ill adapt!but depression hasn let go of me either.hate it so much.

cries.
cried alot.like last week.had too much things disturbing me.family friends.stabbing me from every side.but wad can i do ryt?ill juz endure everything.endure.

k gtg for recess le.
blog again next tym.
byee.

2004-12-05T20:34:00.000+08:00
DONE!
kelly rocks. haha.
whoo hyesung for you, shaf!

i love leeminwoo :D

2004-11-22T14:09:00.000+08:00
i miss my blog so much...

class posting.
well got the results back on fridae.posted to 3s2.the subjects were of those that i wanted but apparently cuz of sum reason i wud b appealing to 3s1.i hope i can get it.got higher chance cuz me and hanizah exchanging place ma.yupp.anw.din get to take higher mother tongue.saddening.but owells.wad can i do ryt?go and plead w ms saifa ar?crazy.nvm if like that means..ill have to work extra hard for english lor.

promo.
failed.after waiting it for like how long...i failed.~~bloodyhell~~ but its ok.next still have.me boyfren and hidayah failed it.unexpected thing happen again.but like sumone said.i shall not b bitter.yupp.since ive failed..fail be it lor.yupp.will work harder next year.

fancy drills.
din go for last saturday's prac.cuz have to go hari raya.but at least i know all the formation ma.hee.this sat may have.according to schedule shud have la.but dunno.cuz todae went to skl den ms lau say that this sat no np.but not sure whtr its true.shall juz wait for info ba.easiest that way.

hari raya.
finally its here lor.this mayb a lil too late but to all the muslim ppl celebrating hari raya..SELAMAT HARI RAYA to you.=))sorry for the late wishes.heh.got alot of money.for now have..-zipped-shall not sae the amount.thats for me to know and for you to find out la.yupp.heh

you're ~~gone~~
how could you cheat my feelings?i thot you really ------ all this while.but im proven wrong todae.theres sumbody who had stolen you frm me.and me..im kicked out of your heart.but its ok.as long as ure happy im contented.i cant ask for more except for you to be happy.be happy by her side.she's sumone special to you.cherished her for as long as you can.cuz she loves you as much as you loved her.throw me out of your life.i dun wish to be a thorn in your skin.i dun wanna play gooseberry either.i dun wann hurt you further.being by me gonna hurt you deeper.but still.ill always ~~love~~ you.

life.
bad bad bad.hate it.had so much enthusiasm todae cuz get to see my blog.BUT!!!was onli greeted but things that hurt me wen i read some ppl's blog.and its two summore lor.talking about the same things.gosh.now crying.too sad le.ive never been a good soul.always causing hurt to ppl.well.im glad everyone that i loved..has sumone else whom she loves.im glad for that.im happy enuf for now.

k gtg lerr.
bye.
for the tags on my tag board.
lookout for my reply on my next entry.

2004-11-01T13:43:00.000+08:00
hols is a time of ~~depression~~..

todae.
juz finished blog surfing.now in skl lab again as usual.had a maths bridging course from 10.30-12.saved me from the horror of home.gosh.tomorrow will b coming back to skl for another amaths bridging course and a lesson on similar triangles.owells.im glad to sae that im looking forward to it.cuz y?i get to get out of skl..=))

npcc.
gonna have alot of it during the hols.but i dun mind it oso.cuz its mean another day outta house.and especially ROD.gonna b out of house for two days.whee~.rejoice.haha.lalala.but after that got trng course le.hmmm.our promo results not out yet.sighh.wonder wen it will come out lor.dunno wads taking it so long lor.sighh.=((but its ok la i guess.shall juz wait for it patiently.cant use the hakuna-matata song for the rod le.like wad rebecca wanted to do.cuz the theme this yr's rod is retro vs hip hop.but me and cadice got plan stg le.waiting for approval from sq onli.haha.its gonna b funny de.haha.owells till the sq agrees.ntg can b done just as yet.and i really hope evryone can b involved in the performance this year.dun it to b like last year where onli like 8 of us are performing.

fasting.
break fast at aunt's-cum-grandma's house yesterday.duno y in prefer breaking fast at ppl's house or ppl coming my house to break fast.its juz more fun.cuz i get to see my cuzzies.and especially kak ada.she got mlotsa stories to tell de lor.especially about jer someone.*ehem.heh.but she wasn dere yesterday.entertained bu other cuzzies.been having the cravings of eating KFC.-drools-..I WAN KFC!!but mummy dun wanna buy them for me.shall go buy myself later.-checks wallet-..oh no..no money de.-shats-nvm.

life.
been rather ok.except for some depressing stuff that is.especially yesterday.dunno y oso.cuz i realise that tym past too slowly and i was getting bloody bored and restly.and not to mention i felt terribly lonely.got no one to talk to.sis was busy pigging her day out.and i cudnt catch any sleep.so i eneded up reading my lib books wich i think have overdued lor.oh speaking bout that mayb its tym i go return those books man.later cant pay the fines arh.heh.well fater this gonna go westmall and buy stuff.oh and mummy wanna but me that orange plastic water bottle.whee~=))..im so happie lor.heh.stomach giving trouble again.but owells.heck.

you.
found out the way to prove urself le?hehe.get ur mind cracking for me.lalala.and abt yeaterday.its ok.and stop blaming urself for things that happen.something's are really not ur fault and there's noway it can b ur fault de. yupp.

anw.gtg le.wanna try to edit template.yupp.

2004-10-27T09:58:00.000+08:00
stomach's getting back at me again..taking revenge for not attacking me for nearly one week lerr.

very cold.yet hot.
its very cold now cuz im in the com lab and i din bring my windbreaker.and further i never wear double layer todae.its hot cuz todae the whtr very hot.walk a few metres onli i start to perspire lor.but owells.i dun care la.

class posting.
its so shit lor.it took me more than an hour to decide lor.in the end the combination i take is.
.english
.maths
.amaths
.higher malay
.pure bio
.combined physics and chem
.pure lit
.ss+hist
choosen this after considering it for very long.and i confirm in this combi le.cuz like ive said the minimum for this combination is 50% and my percentage is 61.5%.and actually i din wanna take hmt.but i change my mind this morning.had to find a tablet pc to change my options lor.went up to 1g3 and used weling's tablet pc.thanks weiling..yupp.anw.i hoope that i made the right choice man.i dun wanna regret de lor.but owells its done and i cant change my options cuz the deadline is todae, 9am.so its like yea lor.im sure cikgu kartinie wud b happy lor.cuz she wanted me and ashikin to take hmt.she say we got the ~~potential~~.bleh.like waddehell lor.i cant even get distinction for hmt.i always get distinction is cuz my ca and sa marks pull up de lor.haha.

~~condition~~
no improvement.still like that.hurt badly yesterday and today morning.can juz die man.but yea.i juz wish i wud really die.wudn that b better?

fancy drills.
will b having fancy drills later.frm 2.30-5.30.gosh.3 hours lor.and its drills summore lor.and guess wad?im still fasting todae.3 hours filled with drill but no water for me at all?sighh.but like ive said i enjoy doing it.cuz its very fun.gonna b assigned a rifle each.wonder wad number mine would b..-ponders-

k larx.
gtg lerr..
wanna go recess and pass letter to sumone.yupp.
byee.

2004-10-26T18:03:00.001+08:00
my stomach's hurting badly again..

todae.
now at aunt's house.used her com to do the e-streaming thing.i really dunno wat to choose lor.cuz its like i wan pur bio and chem.den pure lit.but none of the criteria fit this subjects that i wan.its either i take physics chem pure lit.or bio combined phy chem and pure lit.but i really dunno wat to take lor.i have until tmr 9 o'clock to edit this thing.i wish sumbody can help me lor.cuz if i put pure physics and chem as first choice i may have the risk of not getting it.but if i put pure bio combine physics chem i have the high chance of getting it cuz my percentage is 61.5% whereas the minimum requirement is 65%.but its like i really need to do a wise choice lor.cuz its like i dun wanna regret next year.sighh.i reali dunno.

my condolences.
would like to give my condolences to a levelmate who juz passed away yesterday.the news very shocking.the class juz did a fund raising thing for her last week and she died yesterday.to any 2g2 ppl hu read my blog..pls help me send my condolences to her family.i shall observe one minute of silence now.......
ok one minute over.may her soul rest in peace.

holidaes.
whole holidays are packed with stuff.most of it dominated by npcc activity.but owells help me fill up my time.so its kinda good in a way.cuz if im gonna stay at home for two whole month im sure to rot of boredom.kinda glad im in the fancy drills thing tho.yupp.

~~condition.~~
its neither getting better nor worst.the fasting month made it worst i guess.it churning and twisting now..aww..cant type first..shit..-squeezes tummy-..gosh.hurting badly again.dunno whtr i wanna go doc.cuz at the most he'll gimme pills pills and more pills.i think i can go make a collection of pills liao.ergh.know many ppl had been asking me to go see mr.doc.but i juz cant yea?yupp.

hair.
its kinda long now.thot of cutting it a lil shorter.as in those kind short but still can tie type.cuz i thin i look very ugly in short hair.and i seriously prefer long hair.cuz my hair is quite curly ma.so if cut short not nise.its gonna look very screwd.if long then can at least tie..yupp.

anw gtg byee

2004-10-26T18:03:00.000+08:00
my stomach's hurting badly again..

todae.
now at aunt's house.used her com to do the e-streaming thing.i really dunno wat to choose lor.cuz its like i wan pur bio and chem.den pure lit.but none of the criteria fit this subjects that i wan.its either i take physics chem pure lit.or bio combined phy chem and pure lit.but i really dunno wat to take lor.i have until tmr 9 o'clock to edit this thing.i wish sumbody can help me lor.cuz if i put pure physics and chem as first choice i may have the risk of not getting it.but if i put pure bio combine physics chem i have the high chance of getting it cuz my percentage is 61.5% whereas the minimum requirement is 65%.but its like i really need to do a wise choice lor.cuz its like i dun wanna regret next year.sighh.i reali dunno.

my condolences.
would like to give my condolences to a levelmate who juz passed away yesterday.the news very shocking.the class juz did a fund raising thing for her last week and she died yesterday.to any 2g2 ppl hu read my blog..pls help me send my condolences to her family.i shall observe one minute of silence now.......
ok one minute over.may her soul rest in peace.

holidaes.
whole holidays are packed with stuff.most of it dominated by npcc activity.but owells help me fill up my time.so its kinda good in a way.cuz if im gonna stay at home for two whole month im sure to rot of boredom.kinda glad im in the fancy drills thing tho.yupp.

~~condition.~~
its neither getting better nor worst.the fasting month made it worst i guess.it churning and twisting now..aww..cant type first..shit..-squeezes tummy-..gosh.hurting badly again.dunno whtr i wanna go doc.cuz at the most he'll gimme pills pills and more pills.i think i can go make a collection of pills liao.ergh.know many ppl had been asking me to go see mr.doc.but i juz cant yea?yupp.

hair.
its kinda long now.thot of cutting it a lil shorter.as in those kind short but still can tie type.cuz i thin i look very ugly in short hair.and i seriously prefer long hair.cuz my hair is quite curly ma.so if cut short not nise.its gonna look very screwd.if long then can at least tie..yupp.

anw gtg byee

2004-10-25T14:03:00.000+08:00
life's ok...

todae.
now with ct and nadrah in the com lab.but anw.today did stg stupid lor.cleaned up homec room for sum clean and green thing.den before that had to take over hanizahs place for presenting the innovation thing.well it wasn that bad la.juz that i felt a lil extra.yupp.but then the ~~damn bloody~~[oops shudn b so vulgur during fasting month] judges said that our invention cant work..its like wad the..lor..eurgh.anw.its over.haha.oh my limbs muscle and body very pain.hurting so much lor.especially yesterday.but im glad its ok now.tmr got armpower trng.i dun wanna do wrist exercise.rather do pumping.so much more fun lor.but yea.it depends on the maams lar hor.

fasting month.
owells.been like 11 days since the first day of fasting month.one word to have in mind..endure.haha.but really have to endure lor.especially wen facing the temptation of food and drinks.but yea.if i can do it for the last 13 years or so.im sure i can do it this year again ryt?haha.this is called..self-consoling.haha.kk im crapping.

fancy drills.
very fun.went down on sta to do fancy drills.suppose to have ri competition but in the end its postponed to 18 nov.erm pt..i can go on the 18 nov.dun need to find replacement for me le..cuz mum will be working thus i cant go out on that day.yupp.well.anw.learn alot fun drills on sat.but my head got knocked by the rifle twice while doing the exchanging of rifle.first one was by rebecca second was done by pt.pt's one was hard until today still got the pain.luckily got no bruise lor.did nov and dec holiday schedule.realise that we have 13 sessions of fancy drills lor.but im sure evrything will turn out well.o did i mention?the formation of the whole thing is very nice.can see that alot of effort is put in.am sure its gonna turn out well next year.yupp.on sat after the last water break felt like fainting man.cuz i was very dehydrated.den very very tired.stomach started to hurt again.so i was practically squatting down.glad that they decided to end the fancy drills.if they continued i think i could have fainted lor.cuz i could feel myself pale-ing and my head was spinning.but overall it was fun.sort of lookingforward to future practices especially those after fasting month.cuz hor after that i wun b that weak le.heh.

class posting.
i still dunno wat class to go lor.cuz my average percentage of sci and maths onli 61.5% and the requirement is 65%.sighh.most prob ill b taking pure bio combine physics and chem.den pure lit and ss+hist.but all this not confirm yet lor.yuppers.

owells gtg le.ct wanna leave le.better stop now and leave before she kills me.heh.byee.

2004-10-21T14:38:00.000+08:00
life's a lil better..~~i miss my jie..wish she was here..~~

share a thot.
well apparently im in the share a thot thing tmr lor..haha.and my character is senile.im suppose to b sum crazy lunatic person.haha.but my character doesn really show that im senile more of me being stupid.haha.well.actually din wanna act but in the end i decided to b part of it juz now.so have been practicing..and it turn out ok.not that bad la hor considering it quite a last minute thing.heh.owells i juz wish i wudn screw up my lines tmr..but actually i onli have few lines la hor.haha.oh and know wad?i get to bully nadd by being senile cuz hor...ill be pushing her off the chair!!!woohoo~!funfun..=]

life.
i think father's ok ba.well they nv tell me anything yesterday oso.i juz hope evrything went well.thats all i can wish for.and life's been alil' better.i shall pray that itll stay this way.

armpower.trng
todae had armpower trng.3 ppl never turn up.yupp.did like 55 pumpings.cuz suppose to b 45 but because we timed too soft so started back to 0 went we already reach 10.after that plus another 20 pumpings cuz actually five ppl din turn up from our sq and plus another 5 from sec ones.den each person that did not turn up we have to do 2 extra pumpings.so 2x10=20.yup so altogether did 65 pumpings.then after that suppose to do more armpower trng using 1.5 litre bottle.but in the end cuz sum ppl din bring the bottles so we did another 20 so altogether 95 pumpings.den after that did 45 'dips'[dunno whtr thats the correct spelling].but yea.i think its ok la.no comments on it.

sec3.posting.
i dunno wad combi to go lor.muz go consult seniors cousin and also my parents le.i dun wanna make a wrong choice lor.yuppers.and the due date is like next wednesday.well wish me luck..

well gtg le.got ntg to write already.heh.

2004-10-20T15:48:00.000+08:00
results really sux..

results.
failed my english and maths.eurgh..maths is like f9 lor pls.omg.but at least today got the combined i never fail any subjects.but hor...i dunno whtr to take higher mother tongue anot.haha.its like i really dunno lor..sighh.well i juz cant hope for the best la hor.yupp.

~~father's in [that place] now..sighh...~~

dun wish to blog furthur..sighh.

2004-10-18T13:46:00.000+08:00
my stomach's hurting now..very pain..the kidney are dere..

results.
its not out yet lor.went to skool cuz i tot gonna receive results but in the end never even receive one lor.cuz the teachers were doing marks moderation.sumhw i feel that the faster i receive back my marks the better it is.i juz wan it asap.and it was so boring in skool lor.was practically rotting in class.wrote my diary..not really a diary actually cuz in the end it wud be given to my jie..yupp.and now here i am with kelly and may in the COM LAB!!! ~~madness~~

~~madness~~
#1:been luffing like crazy cuz of kell.
shes beside my ryt now.going crazy over minwoo.her new found love..i shud say.she's super retarded lor.everytym she saw minwoos picture she'll go he's so cute..omg.. den she'll grab either my or may's hand.and go gaga over him.haha.she's mantally retarded..[at least may and me agreed on that].and ive been luffing at her madness.she's realy cranky lor.always brightened up my day le.she and her lame and stupid jokes.but it never fail to make me luff.haha

#2:decided to xchange shoe with nadd.at first onli wanted to change one side.but in the end decided to change both sides.im stuck with it.nadd say i look nice in her shoes.well i love her shoes.its sketchers.ahahax.one of my fav brand.yupp.been wanting to buy the shoes for like how long?but wat i wanted was obv nicer than hers.cuz the one i wanted has no shoe lace one.den very chio.but yea.i tink nadd's shoes alil' too big for me oso.and nadd is wearing my shoe..she looks nice in it.tho i prefer her in her old shoes.i think dark colour shoes are nicee for her lor.and guess wad we decided on?weve decided that we shall xchange shoe for a dae.woohoo~!well it was her idea in the first place.and i had no objection..i mean..why not?haha.owells.her shoes rather nice to wear..tho i missed the spongey spongey feeling of my old shoes.haha.

you.
thks for being there this morning.helped alot.mayb meet you on wed and tell u the whole thing.cant meet you tmr cuz got armpower trng..~~eurghh..-dreads-~~..but anyway thanks alot..like ive said to fallen-without-wings..i wud like to say it to you too..i juz cant go to the docs.im sorry.im sure u understand now ryt..yupp.

life.
todae is my happiest day so far.i wished it wud be like this forever.i realised that i missed being happy even for a mere half an hour.im realy happy todae.i luffed the most.thanks to kelly and her madness that is..haha.but yea.i really wanna b happy.i guessed its onli gonna last for a few hours onli.wen i reach home.reality gonna struck me again..home=dad=~~going to court~~..'=' equivalent to remind me of..big clue of wads happening in my life to those who dunch..im juz scared..oh no kelly and may left le.aarghh.its so quiet now.im so lonely..~~again~~

anw.gtg le.deciding whether to go and support yh for her inter-house game or go home and rest..
interhouse?
home?
interhouse?
home?
interhouse?
home?
interhouse?
home?
.....................................

2004-10-15T14:11:00.000+08:00
i think im dying..soon..

life.
its so bad ryt now...i dunno y [it] is affecting me so much..i juz dun wan [it] to happen..the day is coming nearer..i juz dun wan that day to cum..but i cant help it..time is flying so fast..too fast..its like [it]'s gonna happen in like earliest 5 DAYS..longest 13 DAYS..i juz wish [it] wudn happen..its a ffecting me badly..

todae.
first day of fasting month..not that bad la..used to it considering the fact that i juz fasted like 2 weeks ago..so yea..im juz feeling very sick now.. the part around my kidney hurting badly..i feel like as tho my waist is gonna b detached frm my body..hurting from yday..den juz now sat alone after skool at the red table behind the canteen..suddenly thot of the things thats gonna happen..den plus sum other problems in my life..and my kidney area there ar..hurting like crazy..so i juz sat there and...~~cry~~..i cant help it..it juz came naturally..been ~~crying~~ alot lately..owells.next sure ill have a major brkdwn be it mental brkdwn or emotional brkdwn..ill sure brkdwn..cuz y...? RESULTS are out..and i foresee bad things gonna happen...ar..suan le la...i shall juz leave it to fate..

well i gtg le..
~~i miss my *jie alot todae..wish she was here..-cried again-~~

2004-10-14T14:45:00.000+08:00
hmm..wad more can i sae...

todae.
well had catapult competition in the morn..owellx surprising ly my catapult could work..haha..todae oso break record man..if im not wrong 7 ppl never come to skool..or issit 9?heh..but wadeva it is..i know the figure was quite beeeg..owells hu cares about coming to skool for post exam activity ryt?haha.anw.after that went for recess v early cuz couldn b bothered with the catapult shit thing..haha..had almost like one hour of recess haha?den went to meet boyfren..she sweet de..slept on her..haha.well then after that went to auditorium to watch sum movie thing..todae's movie is called "quill"..yesterday watched "day after tomorrow"..i think that show very nice..the effects chao cool..but too bad i had to leave quite early..had to go IMM after school to buy box..haha know it sounds lame but yea..went to daiso and buy an orange box..cuz my old box spoil le..hehe.bought one for sis oso...heh..she owe me $2!!..k im crazy..wanted to but the rainbow coloyred candles but it wasn there alredi..

life.
omg..i cant believe it..wad have i juz done juz now?was it worth my sacrifice?lifes making aturn for me again.im afraid..im afraid of the future..the dark future..i dun wan [it] to happen to my family or rather..specifically...my father...i dun wan [it] to happen..if [it] does happen..my family would be in a total disaster...y muz all this happen to me??i feel so sick..my stomach had been hurting badly...wanted to go doc but...considering the fact that [it] might happen..i dun dare to tell my mother cuz i dun wanna use anymore of her money..cuz i know that she needs it..im juz afraid.. ~~noones dere for me~~

you.
im sorry..i dunno wads happening to me..like ive said in my letter..wen i get to meet u one day..ill tell you wads happening to me..im juz scared ryt now..very scared..im too afraid to face the future..and to face the thing that might happen to my family..i really dun wanna face it..its too scary..

2004-10-13T13:49:00.000+08:00
lifes bad..i hate it..

exams.
it over.-phew-..finally lor pls..but i have to bear the torment wen getting back the results next week.eurghh.knw wad?my history paper i onli did 1 out of 2 SEQ and that made me lose 25 marks oredi..den SBQ section d i din do oso...argh..33 marks gone juz like that leh..-sobx-..will juz hope for the best ryt now..tho im really scared...cried after history paper.nearly had a mental brkdwn during dnt paper.suddenly all the dnt stuff i learn all gone from my head..but luckily..i told myself to calm down..and yea slowly i could do it one by one..but still there were some blank in the paper..well its over la..no point brooding over it..

marking days.
i tink i rotted almost half of my body during the marking days lor...my com oso cant use can?eurghh..but yea..watch tv the whole day like no body business lor..but who cares in the first place?noone cares about me wat..and furthurmore im alone at home..im free..noone can control me..-stucks out tongue-

problems.
im very scared..totalli scared..at the end of this month stg bad will happen..but i will not mention it here..i can onli wish for the best.

you.
muz you do dis to me..i know u dun care about me aredi ryt?well..i knew it ryt from the start.do you know big problems are entering my life ryt now..but u left me alone like this..i dunno wat to say..i know you love her and onli her..but..ah..forget it..i wish you happiness in everything you do..

well i gtg le byee.

2004-10-02T21:13:00.000+08:00
got so many exams cuming up..im so stressed..

[tests.]
tmr is my religious class test lor.and its like im not that confident of it.and the next day is finals.i very scared k..im afraid i cant make it.lit..sigh..i dun i can make it either.yucks test sux manx.

[me=sensitive.]
m at aunts house now.been running like shit away from the cat..i tink cats are cute creatures but im juz afraid of them alrite?and im a very sensitive person man.my aunt had ben trying to 'touch' me..i mean its like she know i evrywhere oso sensitive.then she purposely touch me here and dere.den i was screaming like sum mad person manx.then she was like..i dunno wad will happen if ure married man..-hinthint-..she a lil' sick la.yepp.

[fridae.]
had music test.kelly did not cum to skool.miss my assembly partner.heard that she's sick.kell:get well soon k?hope to see you on monday.read ur blog and the doc say u might have asthma..take care k?and eat ur medicine hor..yepp.the day before that ure ok wad..but anw.juz take care yea?

yepp.gtg la.bye..

2004-09-30T13:49:00.000+08:00
cheated yet again..

[its so cold.. -brrr- ]
went to skool and it was drizzling.well at least i din get wet ba.haha.was a lil' wet onli lar.was practically freezing in class.cant help it if i have the fun above me ryt?and the best thing is..i din bring my windbreaker todae.de. go canteen worst lor.its like the whole place seem to b an iglo to me lor.its chao cold.my hand was going numb.was trying to get windbreakers but they had to wear it for themselve.so endured the whole day feeling cold.and im in the com lab now summore lor.cant even type properly.

[F.Y.E-finally year exams=STREAMING!]
ats like 3 days away.very scared.afraid i might not b able to make it.cuz its like my english is poor.wad if i fail?fail english[in crescent]=expelled from school. how bad can that b ryt?oh no.and my english is always juz pass one lor.i very scared can..so far studied at least a bit of each chapter.todae had 4 periods of maths lor!oh my goodness.nearly died in the class.but was grateful oso that ms lau was there to explain stuff to us lor.or else i tink i wud have died during maths test.

[life=misery.sorrows]
hasn been good i shud say.but im trying not to let it distract me from studying.i have to revised and score well in my FYE.dun wanna regret it in sec3 and sec4.promise i made to myself=im gonna try to do well adn not let stupid stuff bother me. thats my aim...

[you=cheated me.]
y muz [you] lie huh?i dun like [you]..i try not to think of it..but i juz cudn do it.but u shall not bother me..for the time being i shall juz accept it the way it is..ill do stg after FYE..*ilu

well gtg.byee.

2004-09-28T18:22:00.000+08:00
life's a misery

[todae.]
i have ntg much to write todae.had science and CME test todae.and guess wad happen today?i left my safe and secure book in the redhill toilet lor.blehh.im so dumb and stupid lor pls.but i cant b bothered anyway.not gonna use it anymore.well.like ive said i have ntg to write todae.no tags to reply oso ba.so yea.wanna go and do my template...

gtg byee..take care people..

2004-09-27T14:04:00.000+08:00
time really flies man...a broken testube can cut too..

[todae.]
same old thing juz that early in the morn we have2go and do some survey thingy.other than that its the same old lessons and stuff like that lor..yepp.oh and sec4s were wearing working suit todae.some wearing skirts and sum pants.saw sum unexpected things but yea.quite hilarious but nvm..hehe.had quite a bad hair day todae.stg wrong with it.juz semmed so not normal like that..yupyup.fasting again todae.have 4 more days to go.plan to fast the rest of the week depending on my mood la hor.haha.mayb tmr wun b fasting mayb yes.yepp.

[yesterday.]
went to lib yday with sis.after that father bought bone staek.quite nice la actually.but din have any appetite so onli ate one.sumone brought my mood dwn.broke down and cried.went to the toilet cuz afraid parents wud see me crying.in the end i decided to take another shower.was crying while the shower was puring water over my head.thot that after showering i wud stp crying but in the end i cried harder.din help at all.parents was in the living room and sis was in the room.din wan them to see me crying so i locked myself in the toilet.i dun them to come asking me if im alright and stuff like that.its like i will feel very awkward a lil' disgusted.cuz my parents and i werent close since youngs.so it like the bond between us very thin like thread like that lor.sum child like wen their parents do that to them..but not me.i feel very...erps..anw.yea.haven been well this few days either.

[english paper.]
wasn that bad lar.thot that it was gonna b like common test.but the compre was still a killer man.about gender again..but at least this was the first tym i could finish compre within the time limit.if not always have to rush thru summary then will haf sum of the compre question undone.but anyway compre never fail being the murderer of my english paper.

[tests.]
lemme list out the tests i have tmr.i have cme test wich i haven study anything at all and also science test on sound..oso haven study yet lor please.hw to do well?then cme is worst lor.Gam haven been cuming to our lessons lor.den nw hav2study on our own.blehh.tmr oso have mass lit lecture for one hour?boring man.suppose to have history oso but in the end ms neo cancelled it.haha.

[fallen-without-wings.]
here i go again..replying to sumone special's tags.haha.k i was crapping la k?eh nvm for the late reply.its ok lar.ure stuck on stg?hmm..lyk wat?haha.tsk..u ar.wad i was trying to sae is that imagine that its me smiling there?do you think my smile is real or fake?sighh.u arh...anw.so ur firstname is not equal to ur surname...hmm..this is so difficult lor..but anw.yesh of course im smarrt..-ego-..no lar.kidding onli.im juz sum dumb girl still rotting on earth.heh.yays.ill get the special priority of knwing ur firstname..hw cool is that?.hehe.but y me arh?oh..been wanting to ask you dis..y do you tag my board of all people knwing that i might not even know u.i mean y did you decide to tag my board...?hm..wrong meh for me to know wad u tink of me?i juz wanna know.seriously..no other reasons lor.so i am..er..sweet?u sure anot?eh..its freaky cuz...the personal reason that i have in mind isn a pleasant thing..so if youre thinking of the same thing.. wudn it b freaky for me?u understand wad im saying?i bet u dun.haha.yepp.in np theres barrier so yea.hmm..anw.wad do you mean by "wad u thinking ar?" a lil' vague..cant quite understand it.yupp.dunno wad ure referring to.eh..wad is ur prediction?mind telling me?-pheww-thot that theres stg scary about my blog that makes u scream and shout..heh.hm..so this person from np hu is ur fren and also knows me..might not know that ure tagging on my board..by any chance u cud have told her?hehe.hmm..leading to knwing hu u are?haha.but as i hv said i dun dare guess.wud rather u reaveal urself lor.kk i promise.ill tell you once i know hu u are.but i wun b telling u here on my blog cuz its like personal yea?so perhaps i cud like tell u personally or stg?like meeting you..thru hp or mayb even calling.but yea.definitely not here on my blog.here i only write it in general terms.cuz i dun wan others to get hurt..or hav wrong ideas about it.the outcum wun b good if u tell me now?y?izzit thaaaaaat bad?eh..im not freaking u out.i dun hear anything.stg in me juz kept depressing me.i wun do anything foolish for now..i still wanna sit for finals..and talking about foolish things..theres many others that i hv done before.so ya.i will tryt o do well.but no promises.hehe.

kk gtg.

2004-09-23T15:17:00.000+08:00
im so irritated...

[todae.]
dunno y.but i feel so irritated now.a few minutes more i have to go for CIP.last session.arh..finally.cant stand.i dun feel like going todae.i wanna go home and rest.eurghh.im gonna drag my feet dere manx.blehh.omg.i dunno watta write le.ntg happen todae.xcept for feeling very depressed now.in com lab now anw.

[life.]
arh...-!screams- its gonna happen again.after skl todae suddenly feel very down lor.den [guardian angel] cry again.meet her after skl.wanted to console her.but she left even before i could say anything.wanted to tell her that i felt down but since she was down too..i decided that i shud keep it to myself.dun wanna make her more sad and worried.spent the rest of the tym looking down.even a junior realised the change in my face.blehh.well i guess.im not gonna feel good for the rest of the day le.i got no mood de.found out that broken testube is sharp.yepp.not thinking of anything tho.

[fallen-without-wings.]
im here to reply u again...=]<--fake or real...?i dunno either.eh nono..ure not a criminal larhs.u tink too much again.yepp.im sure for ur name ur firstname is not equal to surname ryt?hehe.im smart smart.yeah...soon ill b another soul hu will knw ur firstname izzit?will i get that special priority?kk.describe me.like..erm ugly.dumb.stg like that?yepp.i wanna know wad u think of me.yuppers.cuz if ure frm np.there would be barrier between us lorh.so i doubt u will even tag my board in the first place.unless ure the daring type larh.ur reason is more of the personal side?oh no this is getting more and more freaky.wonder wat that personal reason is man.yepp.i dun suppose ure frm np.and erm.unless u r really from np lorh...y u luff and scream?u scream wen u tag my board?so hilarious meh my blog?or mayb is there anyting scary bout it?hehe.aiya juz enlighten me yea?HUH?!the person hu know me is from np?does she know that ure tagging my board?eh..this is leading me to stg.but i dunno whtr im led to the ryt destination.but i dare not guess.cuz i trust that ull reveal urself soon.i dunno wad the outcum wud b.but i juz have the feeling it wun b good.yepp.aiya.dun bother abt it lar.anw.yepp.so many people ask me drink water one.hm..yepp.alot of thing gg on in my head ryt now.disturbing me.ill tell you once i know hu u are ok?ill gv u a small part of it..it stg that is disturbing and making me feel like dying.like no point of living.yupp.ill tell u more wen i know hu u are le k?yepp.short hair?so many ppl have short hair lor.ur firstname end w leta a?gosh.that clue totalli rule out the possibilties that i have in mind.bleh.kk i gtg now.take care yea.looking forward to knowing u soon.tata~!

gtg liao.im late for cip liao.byee.

2004-09-22T13:53:00.000+08:00
its so cold here..-brrr-

[todae.]
hmm.in the com ryt now.dunno y.but i find it especially cold ryt now.out of a sudden.hmmm.todae fasting again.paying back for last years fast.those who not malay wud not understand wat i mean la.but yea.i still got 5 more days to go.and official fasting month is on 14 oct i think...either 13 or 14.kk naw.got class photos todae.i think...once again i look very ugly.-yucks-i hate taking picture cuz im not photogenic.haha.i dun like this yrs np photo esp.cus i think i look very very ugly in there.worst than class photo.cuz of my unexpected smile.yucks.it looks so ugly.kk enuf about photo.yday watch titanic.i like the show man.so sad.the first tym i watch it i cried.but yday wen i watch it i luffed.cuz i see leonardo shivering makes me luff lor.but the theme song is the one that create the sad atmosphere.hear the song onli can make me cry lor.so slow and touching.i lurve celine dion.but anw..guess wat?my father said he wanted to buy the cd to cure the virus thing a few days before for my home ryt?guess wad he said yday?he said he gonna cut off internet access for my home com.cuz he say no use continuing w the access and paying for it wen i dun even use it.SHIT lor lyk that.i cant survive without com.nearly cried arguing w him lor.eurghh.i wan my com back lor.-sobs-

[you.]
very happy wen i saw u this morning.hope that my talking to you had sumway or rather cheer u up abit hor?i know it may not be enuf but yea.i hope it helps.-smiles-takling to you very fu lor.one of the ways where i can luff.cuz u arh..cant stop luffing de lor.did i ever tell you this?ur lufter is contagious.haha.hear u luff hor can make me luff leh.haha.but at least its better to see you smiling and luffing rather than see you cry.yepp.so dun cry le k?u cry i cry..u luff i luff...yepp.

[exams.]
its around the corner le.in fact english is on friday..which is...the day after tomorrow lor!!!then after one week will be the rest of the subject le.dunno whtr i can make it to sec3.sighh.

[fallen-without-wings.]
special part for you again.whee~!ure the culprit hu tag my board?dun use the word culprit lar.make you sound like someone hu juz did a crime lor.and the fact is...you din commit any crime.yeshyesh.you mean the yearbook dun write students full name meh?hw cum ur firstname wun b dere...stgs fishy...-rubs chin-eh is firstname=surname?haha.im a lil dumb lar hor.and yes i m useless.wad do you think of me?frankly...yepp.y isn this the right tym to reveal?i dunno y i exclude np.but if you r really frm np the i understand y dis is not the ryt tym la.unless ure a sec4.and for sum other personal reasons..i dun tink ure frm np oso.yepp.haha.you smiling at the com is at home ryt?the com i using is skl com.later ppl see me smiling at the com will think im a retard.eh you can describe the shape or the colour of the pin wad.yepp.yes see of course u wud be curious ryt?yepp.omygoodness.this getting more and more..mysterious.this person whom u knw oso knw me??oh goodness.i really wish you wud reveal urself soon.and dun get the suspense going on for too long hor..yepp.i fear the outcum wudn b as nice.thats wad my instinct is telling me.tag on my board is fun??weird leh you.haha.i wun stress myself up de.and yea will drink lotsa water.y so many ppl ask me drink water?hmpf.i never faint before.wud like to faint one day.wanna knw hw it feels like.heh.eh..got animore clues for me?more clues more clues leh..hehe.anw.i dun feel good this days.its like stg juz aint right..feeling miserable...tink thats it for this tyms reply.take lotsa care..if ure a sec4..good luck for the remaining prelim papers..if ure a sec3 or 2..good luck for the upcoming end of year exams ya?yepp.take lotsa care and drink losa waterrrrr tooooo.

anw.gtg liao byee.

2004-09-21T14:48:00.000+08:00
finally the com is ok....

[todae.]
hmm..let see..im in the com lab now.juz came back from np meeting.had a briefing of sum competition thingy.our sq participating in i dunno wat competition oso.but i think its fun.im involved la.but the thing now is..its held on the 23rd..and on the 23rd is still my fasting month.and i scared i tire myself out until i cant continue w my fast.but it all depends.i hope stg will happen on that day.cuz if this stg happen..i dun hv2fast.yepp.and todae i kept on dozing off during science period,dunno y.but i was juz too tired i guess.yepp.well im a slpy pig anw.

[yesterday.]
yesterday was super stupid.the tagboard was down.cudn see any tagboard.came all the way to com juz to see but only to find out it was down.went to aunts house to see whtr all com are like that and found out...yea its all the same.gonna ask my father to buy some cd that could cure the virus in my com.he say mayb he gonna buy.cant wait man.i wanna use my com again.i wanna go msn again.

[promo.]
was ok.not as bad as i thot.but still not sure whther i can pass anot.hope i could.wad we learn was diff from wad other skl learn again.but its like every promo always happen lyk this lor.so im like use to it?yepp.after that something bad happen.cried cuz i was too frustrated.and felt very insulted.its like it looks as though it was done purposely to offend me though i din do anything to her.but yea.i dun really care about it anymore.put it behind my back le.mayb it was done in the spur of the moment ya?yepp.though i was angry and frustrated at first..i dun tink i shud keep thinking about it and fret over it.it doesn help either.so decided that i shudn keep grudges.no use oso.but anw.the longest tym i eva got angry w a person is 2 days.shortest is barely even 5 mins.so yea.i dun reali care.everyone does mistake.

[you.all.]
we know how diff it is to handle the **** ya?i know that u all heard from sumone that we said that ure lousy and that we wanna make history.i think i know hu u heard it from.cuz this person was in th train with us wen we talk about it ryt?well.u may belif me or the other way round.but im juz here to clear the misunderstanding.we never said the word lousy nor the word lan or any word that gives the meaning of you all being incapable.we really din cuz i was there talking about it too.i admit that.but one things for sure.we really din say ure lousy.we know u all are capable.capable of even get 100%passes.that can be denied either.i know u are angry with us especially sum of you.we know our standard.we cant get a full pass.and like i said everyone makes mistake.about one of us..wearing our uniform wrongly.it was a mistake.we know it.and im sure..she hu did it, din do it on purpose.and we really din say ure lousy.i can assure u that.and there isn any problem with our ***** either.and we know our arm muscles are rather weak.well its our first tym handling a *****.i cant read other peoples mind.so i dunno if ure reading this..u wud think im writing it in a rude tone or normal tone.but frankly this is written in a normal tone.no anger added.i dun believe in hatred so i hope that everyting can b solved in this year.

[fallen-without-wings]
hah!finally can see ur tag.eurghh.stupid com.cudn see the tagboard yday.haha.aiya..i think u think too much la.i dun tink i hate you lor.yepp.have a good feeling bout that.so dun worry.oh no.dun be angry lar.kk ill tell you lar.i intended on using the yearbook.cuz since you sae ure not in sec1 it means its either 2,3,4 ryt?and all the pics of sec2,3,4 are in the yearbook wad.but yea like i said it was in vain.cuz i cudn find any names.or mayb there is..juz that i miss it.aiya.i dun wanna guess le lar.cuz hor..i know im hopeless at it..so i might as well juz wait until you tell me ryt?yepp.anw.to start it off...i AM a useless and hopeless person afterall.but i really wonder y u dun wanna tell me...i dun tink ure from np ryt?cuz i know it wudn b.thks for ur sympathy anw.yea i got a person in mind.but i wun say anything.and.i rather u reveal personally.dun ask me the reason y cuz i cant ans that.so since its gonna b personal i shall juz wait for u to reveal lor.yea im smiling now.-smiles widely-better stop smiling or else ppl gonna think im crazy..smiling to the com.haha.juz describe the collar pin lar.ure suppose to giv me clues that will help me wat.and yea.promo is np one.hmm..y im curious to know hu u are?of course im curious la.imagine u have a blog and theres dis anonymous person out there hu tag ur board.and then this person care about u and stuff.dun u wanna find out hu this nice soul is??i hope this ans ur question k?well anw.take care.if ure too bz dun bother to tag la.yepp.i will understand..anw.take lotsa lotsa care.byee.

yepp.anw gtg now. =]

2004-09-20T15:16:00.001+08:00
feeling miserable..

[todae.]
in com lab again as usual.wanted to see my blog..and guess wad?my tag-board juz wouldn show lorx.eurghh.so irritating.my main aim to go see my blog is to see my tagboard lor.but i cant see it.irritating man.bleh.now very tired.arm aching.

[promo.]
was ok.not as bad as i thot.but still not sure whther i can pass anot.hope i could.wad we learn was diff from wad other skl learn again.but its like every promo always happen lyk this lor.so im like use to it?yepp.after that something bad happen.cried cuz i was too frustrated.and felt very insulted.its like it looks as though it was done to purposely to offend me though i din do anything to her.but yea.i dun really care about it anymore.put it behind my back le.mayb it was done in the spur of the moment ya?yepp.though i was angry and frustrated at first..i dun tink i shud keep thinking about it and fret over it.it doesn help either.so decided that i shudn keep grudges.and i can sae that im the kinda person hu forgives ppl easily anw.the longest tym i eva got angry w a person is 2 days.shortest is barely even 5 mins.so yea.i dun reali care.everyone does mistake.

[you.all.]
we know how diff it is to handle the **** ya?i know that u all heard from sumone that we said that ure lousy and that we wanna make history.i think i know hu u heard it from.cuz this person was in th train with us wen we talk about it ryt?well.u may belif me or the other way round.but im juz here to clear the misunderstanding.we never said the word lousy nor the word lan or any word that gives the meaning of you all being incapable.we really din cuz i was there talking about it too.i admit that.but one things for sure.we really din say ure lousy.we know u all are capable.capable of even get 100%passes.that can be denied either.i know u are angry with us especially sum of you.we know our standard.we cant get a full pass.and like i said everyone makes mistake.about one of us..wearing our uniform wrongly.it was a mistake.we know it.and im sure..she hu did it, din do it on purpose.and we really din say ure lousy.i can assure u that.and there isn any problem with our ***** either.and we know our arm muscles are rather weak.well its our first tym handling a *****.i cant read other peoples mind.so i dunno if ure reading this..u wud think im writing it in a rude tone or normal tone.but frankly this is written in a normal tone.no anger added.i dun believe in hatred so i hope that everyting can b solved in this year.

[fallen-without-wings.]
sorry cant reply ur tag todae.as u can read from the top part of my entry..i cant see my tagboard.so i cant reply.so yea.il see wad i can do bout it.yepp.take loads of care yea?

2004-09-20T15:16:00.000+08:00
feeling miserable..

[todae.]
in com lab again as usual.wanted to see my blog..and guess wad?my tag-board juz wouldn show lorx.eurghh.so irritating.my main aim to go see my blog is to see my tagboard lor.but i cant see it.irritating man.bleh.now very tired.arm aching.

[promo.]
was ok.not as bad as i thot.but still not sure whther i can pass anot.hope i could.wad we learn was diff from wad other skl learn again.but its like every promo always happen lyk this lor.so im like use to it?yepp.after that something bad happen.cried cuz i was too frustrated.and felt very insulted.its like it looks as though it was done to purposely to offend me though i din do anything to her.but yea.i dun really care about it anymore.put it behind my back le.mayb it was done in the spur of the moment ya?yepp.though i was angry and frustrated at first..i dun tink i shud keep thinking about it and fret over it.it doesn help either.so decided that i shudn keep grudges.and i can sae that im the kinda person hu forgives ppl easily anw.the longest tym i eva got angry w a person is 2 days.shortest is barely even 5 mins.so yea.i dun reali care.everyone does mistake.

[you.all.]
we know how diff it is to handle the **** ya?i know that u all heard from sumone that we said that ure lousy and that we wanna make history.i think i know hu u heard it from.cuz this person was in th train with us wen we talk about it ryt?well.u may belif me or the other way round.but im juz here to clear the misunderstanding.we never said the word lousy nor the word lan or any word that gives the meaning of you all being incapable.we really din cuz i was there talking about it too.i admit that.but one things for sure.we really din say ure lousy.we know u all are capable.capable of even get 100%passes.that can be denied either.i know u are angry with us especially sum of you.we know our standard.we cant get a full pass.and like i said everyone makes mistake.about one of us..wearing our uniform wrongly.it was a mistake.we know it.and im sure..she hu did it, din do it on purpose.and we really din say ure lousy.i can assure u that.and there isn any problem with our ***** either.and we know our arm muscles are rather weak.well its our first tym handling a *****.i cant read other peoples mind.so i dunno if ure reading this..u wud think im writing it in a rude tone or normal tone.but frankly this is written in a normal tone.no anger added.i dun believe in hatred so i hope that everyting can b solved in this year.

[fallen-without-wings.]
sorry cant reply ur tag todae.as u can read from the top part of my entry..i cant see my tagboard.so i cant reply.so yea.il see wad i can do bout it.yepp.take loads of care yea?

2004-09-17T13:48:00.000+08:00
tmr is promo le...i died-ed..

[todae.]
todae gonna have drill later.but wateva it is i cant update much..cuz i have very limited time now..so this entry is only gonna be for my loyal board-tagger...cuz i have to reply her tags...

[fallen-without-wings]
kk u keep on saying i might dislike or something..perhaps u can give me one good reason y i shud feel that way?yepp.well u not being a sec4 is juz wat i guess.so yea.but since u say so..i shall focuse more on sec4.yepp.haha.wadeva..im tolking crap.my smart list?oh..wun tell you wad it is..but yea it din turn out as well as i tot.cuz i that smartr list thing din help me at all.y u so mean one?make me think hard hard.hmpf..hahaz.juz kidding lar.the its like i have to guess from alist of more than 1000 ppl.pity me la...ok fine..i shall juz presume that u coincidentally saw me lor..actually i got one person in mind budden im not sure..but theres so much things that ruled out the possibility of you being that person.but onli god knows.and wen u reveal urself...u revealing urself personally or wat?of course not fake one lar!bleh.really really its sincere one.yea final year cuming..thks for the good luck wishes.having a badge on ur collar?perhaps u can describe the badge.thankew....haha.anw i gtg le.u take care yea?see ya around in skl...keep on tagging.and ill try to reply faithfully.yepp.i really wished u could reveal urself soon u knw..but yea.anw.byee. =]

2004-09-16T13:56:00.000+08:00
two more days to promo...

[todae.]
todae as usual had armpower training.they set it to every tues and thurs before mass run.actually quite a good suggestion ba.haha.anw.had a change in how we are suppose to do our pumpings.had to tuck in our arms and go down.stg like that.i know wad im trying to explain will most prob cant be understood by anyone.haha.but anw.the point is..its harder to do the new way.yepp.on tues we did 20pumpings and 20 dips[is that how it shud be spelt?haha.] anw.todae incresed the number of pumpings to 30 and the number of dips to 40.k it was quite challenging to do that.but i will endure for the sake of good armpower.wahaha.that was lame man.after that ran mass run.me pt and becca were running so slowly that almost half of the sec1s overtook us.the truth is...we din feel like running.and u knw the whether..it onli rains wen after mass run.so sickening ryt?eurghh.

[loads and loads of test.]
i know this ntg compared to the prelims sec4s are taking but.yea.i juz hate test.blehh.stupid.i dun see the point why we have to have test.k wadeva la.dun wanna complain so much.had science and malay test.for science..had sum valency test thing [chem].then malay was testing on grammers and stuff.well as usual i slept during malay test even before i finish doing it.and the best thing is that i din even know that i had to do the cloze passage cuz i thot it wasn part of the test.so well..wen i found out i had a GOOD tym scramming thru the cloze passage.i very good hor?thankew thankew...*ego* -_-...anw.yea.english mid yr next friday.then skip one week after that the rest of the midyr subjects.and i still dunno whtr i shud geog or hist.well we shall see lar hor.

to 2 ppl that i know...gd luck for ur prelims and nah..giving u all the glitters in the world and may ur results shine..haha..

[promo.]
as i have said..two more days to promo frm today.and i still haven memorize finish my first aid test.venue change again.changed to gan eng seng.-pukes- of all skl man.and anw i dunno hw to go there.so most prob will b gg with becca they all.i hope i can pass man.and i hope the organisation wun b as bad as the previous one whereby...nono im not allowed to write tings about np here.shall onli write good things.anw one good thing abt gg GESS..i can go see how NICE the skl is.wahahaha.im evil i know.
anw to all taking promo this sat..no matter wat rank u r..best of luck for it..may u all pass it and b promoted to a higher rank.yepp.

[fallen-without-wings]
i cn see that u flooded my taggie.owells i dun mind at all.continue flooding my tagboard yea?haha.not that i dun wanna reply ur tags on my tagboard la.juz finds it easier to type it all in an entry.gt more space u see.and yes u r one special person.cuz..u tag my board tho u tink i hate you.and best of all..its filled up with sweet stuff.haha.and stg tell me ure not sec4.cuz if ure hving prelims..den i dun tink u wud have so much tym to tag my board ryt?haha.but its juz my guess.and y wud i be disappointed to knw hu u are..told u i wun hate you..eh..i got one smart way to list all the ppl with name starting with letter m u know.haha.aiya enlighten my load ok...are you a senior?i mean heyy..if u tell me ure a senior i wud have to guess ppl from sec4 and sec3 ba.and it wud hard oso.so juz tell me k?saw me during recess?u mean on wed's recess?let see which class has the same recess as me...aiya go home then i guess.haha.eh ull tell me at the ryt tym?wad is the ryt tym anw?next yr?haha.kidding.ill juz patiently wait.yepp.and you knw wad?ive been smiling!!!haha.tho i cried.but yea.i made the effort to smile.one of the reason...for you..lalala.k thats all..

2004-09-15T13:04:00.000+08:00
ill try to smile..i promise..

[todae.]
ntg much happen todae as well.in com lab now.having cs.and as usual im updating blog again.todae reach skool early but got lockd out cuz class was lock ma.haha.den after that got into class and did cme hw.but guess wad?Gam did not cum again.eurghh.so infuriating lor.but anw.yea.will be hving drills after skool todae.probably the last drill session before promo.promo cuming le.this sat leh.i still have a load of first aid notes to memorize.sighh.anw.todae ms neo chao funny.cuz she addressed ms janet lee as mrs lee.than ms lee was like ms not mrs..ms neo malu le.haha.v funny leh.then during lesson yun heng abused me.blehh.stupid ryt?got beaten up by her.she super lame and childish lor.hor yun heng?haha.omg.im so tired ryt now.and im hungry too.

[life.]
life have been ok.not like the past few weeks...[so fallen-without-wings..i think u can see me smile often le.hehe] anw.mum v biased lor.know last tym my bill overshot until $80 she confiscated my phone the whole month ok...then dis month my sis bill was $150 and she did NOTHING!eurghh.so infuriating.hw can she do that lor.so unfair.but owell wadeva.hp bill for this month haven cum.if bill high again i hope she wun scold me.or else im gonna scream my heads of her man.cuz wen sis received her bill and it was so much like that she din even scold her at all.

[fallen-without-wings]
yepp like i had promised..ill try to smile.the first sentence of this entry dedicating to you..haha.ull tell me hu u are arh..u say one arh..muz keep ur promise hor..hehe.ure unexpected?hmm..i dunno leh.and ur name starts with the letter 'm'?and ure not sec1 either.so its either sec3 4 or same level as me ryt?tell me more!!!haha...-smiles widely-r u a senior den?kk u take care too.and see u around oso tho i dunno hu u are..oh oh.wen are u revealing urself huh?

well thats all for today 1.30 le.wanna go eat lunch then go for hmt.byee.

2004-09-14T14:50:00.000+08:00
lifes boring..

[today.]
now in the skl com lab as usual lar.the only way i can update me blog ma.blehh.nothing much happen today.and theres no hw either ba.i juz read [that thing] agin.yucks man.the sight of it makes me mad.and reading it is worst lor.totalli shit lor.but i dun care le.

[promo.]
its this sat.4 more days left only lor.man.quite scared.afraid i cant make it.no doubt i wanna pass but im not sure if i can make it.taking sergeant.gosh.and theres alot to learn for first aid oso.

k lar gtg.
byee.

2004-09-13T14:44:00.000+08:00
fallen-without-wings:
i dunno hu u are.so hw wud i know hu to smile to?but anw.thks for the encouraging words yea?i wud love so much t o know hu u are.but if u prefer to remain this way.then its ok lor.yepp.but yea.ill try to smile kaes?

yn's fairygodmother:
i look scary?eh..ok.sorry.hahax.thks for the stars.my room now filled with your stars le.*imagining it with real stars*[fat hope man.]room much nicer.hahax.k was being v lame here.how am i?not good as u cn read frm the entrys.but yea.ill try to live evryday happily.oh no wad m i saying?can u understand?anw.knw hu u are le.saw u sad that day.so my msg to you is..cheer up!!!i cant gv u stars cuz im not gd enuff to b an angel.so i shall gv you erm..glitters.hahax.may you shine with the glitters and look like the stars you gave me!!!hahaha.

[you.]:
u take truckloads of care too okay?yepp.

[jnr.]:
missing yea loads too anw.yup.u njoy ur hols too yea?yepyep.

[sufan.]:
aiya relax la k?we share the same feelings as a sq.we will prove her wrong la hor...

[unknown3]:
another unknwn huh?hmm.thks for the compliment of my blog.so do u mind tellin hu u are?

shona.
thks for tagging.

candy maam:
thk you for the well wishes.we will try our best not to disappoint both you yea?

2004-09-13T13:51:00.000+08:00
i miss my blog...

[todae.]
finally get to see my blog man.after one whole week.practically rot the whole week of the sept hols lor.let see wad i did..

mon:went to skool early morn at 8 to have history lectures until 10.not as bad as i thought lar.had 20mins break in the middle.yepp.after that had drills at 10.30 until 12.learn disprak.it was ok ba.juz that sum of us were still quite blurred by it.den from 1 until around 5 had mock promo.was quite screwd lar.was discouraged at certain point of tyms but yea.tried not to let it affect me and yea.the most hilarious part was our first aid test.hahax.we were like only told that we are to memorize it by dat day.so non of the info actually went into our heads.so we were given 15 minutes after our drills to memorize wad we can.and yea.as expected our sq came up with sum funny ans for the test.hilarious man.haha.
tues:rotted badly at home.cudn use com.cousin saved my day by asking me out.and we went to jurong lib and borrowd books to read.haha.there v condusive lor.aircon summore.haha.[sumone says i njoy too much luxury hor?] but its lyk yea.hu dun wanna study in a place where theres aircon??logic ryt?
wed:rotted at home with darling sister.hahax.din do much actually.listen to music and watch tv.take note:i haven done a single hols assignment lor.
thurs:went out with cousin sis and sis's ahem ahem..went to town to watch movie.wanted to watch cinderella story but in the end seats were full and the next time slot too late.so we all decided to watch the terminal.the show very funny and comical but the storyline was boring and dull.i wud rather slp man.then after watching lost our way while finding borders.know why?cuz i was e one hu was leading the way.im such a winner lor.
fri:had drills.yepp.polished up our drills and stuff yea.thats basically it.
sat:went for hiking at bt timah hill.reached the summit.and saw sum monkeys...erm...mating???wahahax.den after that took taxi with beck to the lib.I STINK BADLY LOR!stupid canx.luckily my cousin brought perfume.so used it.had no choice ba.haha.did a pathetic english report and barely completed maths pprs.hist?totalli not done.
sun:din have any religious class.wanted to go lib but decided against it in the end.was too tired.went to gran's hs.gave us money.hahax.slack alot in the earlier part of the day.den at night after the president star charity..realised that i had only fully completed 1 out of 7 hist question given for hols assignment.started to get serious.but i cudn concentrated my self for long.kept on disturbing my sis hu was on the phone with her sumone...and ate so much ice.haha.completed the whole hw only at 4.22am.slept for about 33 mins and woke up at 4.55.

wow that was long man.hahax.gtg liao.replying tags on the next entry.hahax.

2004-09-02T14:28:00.000+08:00
im such a loser..a pure failure..

[todae.]
received back english paper todae.barely passed it can?erm 27/50?yepp.very lousy lorx.i totalli cant make it for compre manx.can juz simply fail it lorx.bleh.stupid.now in the com with morgan and yh.been dying to use the com.house com too stupid.cant even access internet.stupid ryt?i really miss using the com lorx.im treasuring my tym w my com now.feeling chao low now.im sucha failure.loser=in simple words.

[me=loser.]
i feel lyk a loser.a total failure.a disgrace to human kind.yucks!shtoopid.i hate it.i cant even help [you].[you] help me a lot thru my toughest tym but ryt now wen [you] are down, i cant even help [you]..tell me hw i can help?pls pls dun do it agn.it wun help.it wun lorx.rmb im always here for [you].dun do it agn...i beg [you]...if [you] do it again, then ill...nvm.e main point here is...dun do it agn.

[hols.]
very borrriiingg.was basically rotting and decomposing lorx.din knw wad to do.wanted to use the com at home.but knw wad??i cant even on it lorx.so shit ryt?den i was so frustrated that i prac scream.cuz i was alone at home ma.and i was bored ryt down to my bones.my father and bro went to queensway.[i shud have gone actually].mom went out to work.sis went her friends house for sum speech thing.in the end i went out with my cousin to je lib.she saved my life manx.or else i dunno wad wud have happen to me lorx.went there and read books.den go eat.den i went to her house!hahax.was suppose to go swimming w family.but in the end i decided not to.wasn in the mood ma.

[tues=teachers day]
went back to primary skl.wished ive been there longer.it was much beta there in pri skl.more peaceful unlike sec skl.so much stress.pressurizing.den had a great tym talking to my p6 tcher.v fun.tok tok for a long tym den she had to go le.cuz she wanna see her another batch of student.i was having a headache at that tym cuz was having sore throat.so decided to go hm with my bro.and u knw wad?wen i reach home i realise i din bring my house key!!!!called my sis to cum back.but she din wan to.so in the end we were locked out for lyk 1 or 2 hours.and i was bored cuz my phone died at that tym oso.ran out of batt.and i was starving.and i starve all the way till erm??10pm.my sore throat din give me any appetite to eat.i kept on slping and waking up.slept for very long.wat i know is that at 10 i woke up den i eat and watch tv for a while and then i slept agn.hahax.

well i tink i gtg le.v tired.byex.

2004-08-24T16:36:00.000+08:00
why did [you] do that??...u told me not to but u did it urself...

[todae.]
njoying the aircon now in the com lab.came back frm lunch.eat at ljs with yh and cindy.yh treated me.hahax.too bad larx cuz they wanted me to go but i had no money mahx.so yeah lorx.then while eating found out stg.stg wich i nv wanted to hear.anw.earlier in skl.. wanted to ask morgan along for lunch.and she bullied me instead.first she put flower on my hair then after that she wanted to piggy back me.but in the end both of us fall on our butt.v pain leh.[morgan...youre gonna get it frm me...] anw.juz now after mass run felt lyk puking so bad lorx.then kp on drinking water so that i wun throw up.dun knw hw it help either.

[common test results.]
received back maths and science paper today.marks were unexpected.hahax.turn out both papers i gt A1..v happy.but still gt other papers to receive.let see.still gt history eng d&t.i deprove alot in my malay.manx.horrible lorx.dropped frm a1 to b3.is that gd or bad?of course bad ryt?stupid question.even a primary3 year old kid can ans that.am considering whtr i shud drop hmt next yr.dunno whtr i can make it.cuz my b3 all also at e edge one.anytym can fall.

[sumone.]
dun do that agn kaes?dun dun dun.i wun allow u to do that agn.pls?yepp.ill always be here to hear you out ok?yepp.luv ya loads-

kkaes gtg.byee..

2004-08-19T16:06:00.000+08:00
had a fun fun tym luffing...but i really wonder was that for real...or was it juz a mask that help me hide my sufferings?

embraced in the arms of pain,
i suffered.
drowned in the sea of tears,
ive cried.
helpless and lost in the world
of my own
struggling and enduring
all alone.

unhappiness shown in your face
misery shown in your eyes.
words that are mouthed by you
are juz plain lies.
i wanna feel appreciated
juz wanna feel sumone cares for me
but i kn ill nv see that
for as long as ure with me....

this is den todae's entry..
[todae.]
ms neo smack my head todae cus i imitate one of her sound effects.yh screwd me up todae.she arhx..dunno watta say liao.made me luff for let see..2 hours 20 min?ok larx...4 periods to be exact.took my mind off my depression for a while at least.as for the np idol heard that we may not be even in it.yepp.owellx.i dunno watta sae anw.forgt it.

[life.]
hadn been gd either.was so screwd up yday.hadno mood to do drills.mind was too disturbed.felt relieve that i get to cry yday.cried after np.saw that teresa cried.well i guess we cried cuz of the same reason?yepp.[teresa:relax kaes?i understand exactly hw u feel.yepp.]im nt gonna sae wad happen.not allowd to write it here.yepp.i cant stand life de.those hu had tried to comfort me.a beeg THANKS to u ppl.appreciated it.thk u thk u so much.but yet agn nw i feel very dwn and i cant cry.i feel very choked.i wanna throw up.i feel so sick.i wanna gt high fever agn hopefully this tym i die.i dun wanna live anymore.

to [someone.]..dunno whtr you'll read anot.but yea.im sorry but i cant luff ryt nw.nt that i dun wanna luff but i cant.u kp on smiling and train your dog to luff kaes?yepp.i dun find it a joke anymore.dunno y.its suppose to b funny but im nt luffing ryt nw.

[whisper.]
eh..basically typing the same thing.but yea in greater details.i dun understand wad you mean by ''somehow its TOO coincidental that you wrote it YESTERDAY, and yesterday you know what happened.'' cant understand.wad happen on erm 17?dun get it.and its reali not you.wad does it take for you to blif me?nvm i understand y.but yea.about the [her] i was talking about.ill tell you hu is it wen i meet you.if you realli dun blif me.nvm.anw juz tell me wen you are meeting me..will try to make myself free.yupx

owellx.ill juz leave it to god and see wad he's gonna decide for me.as ive said i see dunno why he had created me i the first place.he had juz wasted his effort and tym on me.im juz a pure loser and failure.shudn have let me born in the world in the first place...

gtg byex.

2004-08-19T01:50:00.000+08:00
im a stone..a rock..

//this was supposed to b yday entry...
[todae.]
f**k manx.sumone logged out from my prev com then i write until so long all gone liao.so pissed ryt.already nt in the best of modd lorx.WADEVA LARX!ass.im so sick ryt now.cs juz finished.having drills later on.dun really feel lyk gg but yea.suan de larx.will juz go.yepp.anw.np idol dis sat.hope they will win.first tym in history they organised np idol lorx..

[np idol ppl]
GOOD LUCK!!!muz win kaes?and bring glory to creznp.i knw u cn do it de!

[life.]
it still sux.even tho one day had passed.i feel so sick.even skl seemed so dark and scary now.i shudder even at the thot of having to go to skl.skl used to be my fav place in the world but now.it seemed to me lyk a dark and cold cave and im stuck in it.im very confused ryt now.

[previous entry.]
sorry to those who gt offended by my last entry.first and foremost...it doesn refer to any of my lvlmates.so yea.i feel very stressd yday.so pour it out onto my blog.sorry.

[me.]-->you knw hu u are
sorry if my prev entry misunderstood you.now heres the truth.the prev entry doesn refer to you at all kaes?hw cud you even think of that.i gv you my word that if i have anything unhappy towards you ill tell you personally.i wun write it out here.yepp.
''if words are spoonfed to you, and you dont learn, maybe you gotta learn the hard way and it'd be better. do you understand?''
someone else also said stg similar.well.ive been learning thing sthe hard way allthis while anw.whtr i had achoice anotx.i knw you put up alot with me.and im really grateful for that.thks for always being there for me wen i needed you all this while.thks alot. i really appreciate.im sorry cuz i always offend you.sorry..i knw im always being difficult.

me:
-difficult
-problematic
-troublesome
-failure
-loser
-idiot
-moron

and the list goes on and on.i realise all this.and ive been trying to change.but no matter hw hard i tried.its nt working in anw.it always fail..[as im a failure]..wellx.evryting seemed very diff nw.i dun see y god actually created me in the first place.life is totalli diff ryt nw.i dun feel lyk living.i wanna die but not in a wrong way.die as in realy die that kind.but yea nvm larx.i juz have to accept the fact that i a one failure in life.yepp.

well gtg liaox.yepp.

2004-08-17T14:59:00.000+08:00
why are [you] doing this...

a blank expression
full of thousand different word.
words that kill
and words that hurt
a smile which was forced
happiness that were faked
all her feelings hidden
hidden within a mask
sorrows kept within
angers that burnt
a long lost happiness
that is bound never to return
"thats the phase of life"
they say
but all i could do is to
silently pray...

[today.]
common test finally over at last.had maths and d&t today.both paper were ok.at least i din forget my facts.maths was horrendous.cuz forgot the word corresponding so pig lorx.yucks.was trying to rmb the words but i couldn lorx.totalli regretted lorx.oh!and kartinie confiscated my silver necklace canx.either i go ask my parents take it or i take at the end of the year.its oso not like i wanna wear rytx?hate her lorx.today ms azinar change seating position agn.bleh.sitting with nad and yh.FRONT ROW AGAIN!!! i knw im short larx but i wanna at least sit at e second ryt?but i ended up in first row yet agn.owellx.suan le larx.

[[rb.]]
dun cry le kaes?juz concentrate on your studies and yea ignore the things gg ard you.im in front of you anw.yepp.so juz cool dwn kaes?

[life.]
one simple word-->>sux.at this point of tym.m juz super stress.soo much things happening in sucha short tym.so much tings gushing back in.too much but yet too fast.it had just been a few days ago that i feel that life is so fun and that i look forward to evryday of my life...BUT this hv2happen.it totalli sux.

[depression.confused.]
its cuming back yet agn.so depressed.feel so alone today.wat wrong did i do?y muz [she] avoid me.its lyk [she]'s my confidante lorx.i dun wanna lose yet another one lorx.i have enuff of losing ppl that i love canx?[she] think by avoiding me things would get better meh?its making things worst for me.i feel v alone.i shudder at the thot of my pst repeating agn.i dun wanna feel alone agn.y is this happening?y me?y izzit always me?im sick of this world.i wish im really dying..i wish my tym is reali nearly up.i cant stand all this suffering that im gg thru...all alone.and its not nice at all.wads the point of living if the defination life for is= place which brings you sorrow and tears.a place where you have to fake out your happiness. i feel very confused.im confused with evryting thats gg on ard.im starting to doubt wthr the ppl ard me are reali hu dey are.evrytings getting too complicated.i can take it no more.izzit that nice seeing me suffer?gives you satisfaction meh?y cant i cry?to let out all my feelings..y other ppl cn cry so easily.but i cant..no matter hw sad i am...i still cant cry de lorx.i feel so miserable.im feel very very suffocated.

forget it manx.i feel very sad.and i dun wish to tok abt it here.to the [her] im reffering ive been toking about..whtr you knw it anot...i dun really care.if you do...juz rmb that its not helping me by avoiding me...its making things worst.

well gtg liaox.hope life makes its turn agn.

2004-08-13T16:14:00.000+08:00
hong chen huang li lan ding zi..hw do i say this?

[todae.]
hm..had common test todae.eng and lit.did manage to write all the the comparison between stacey and t.j.wadeva larx.its over anw.hahahahahahx.with cindy and yh nw.yh digging her brains out for her maths.shervon treated me todae.to spaghetti lehx.yeah..!!!funfun...=)aiya dunno wat to do now lorx.blog oso ntg to blog lorx.hahax.bored bored bored

[npcc.]
i passed my promo.yepp.chao happie thats all i cn sae.to my dearest bee...dun be too sad kaes?ill help with ur promo de kaes?yepp.you wun fail all the tym de lorx.yupx.actually i feel very sad that you and claud din pass lorx.wanted whole sq to pass but din expect both of you to fail.and im really sad lorx...

[muggings.]
had been mugging alot these few daes.din sleep for days..thks to sumone larx...hahahax.but in the end I WON!!!sumone to loser liaox.ended her part of the game even before the whole thing started.smart horx.sighh.this is called too smart.yepp.hahahx.
to you:too bad.this years *** gonna rawk manx.yepp.and we would all owe the entertainment to you.yepp.so muz make it a gd one kaes?yepp.

kkix.gtg liao.wanna go home liao...byee.

[dinie.]
heyy.you relax kaes?know been very stress and tiring for you this few days.yepp.my bear2 will keep u company in skl.yepp.think of me wen u see the bear kaes?yepp.ill look after it at home.u cn do anything to it.yepp.give it a name kaes?

2004-07-27T17:41:00.000+08:00
pbl is finally nearly complete...whee~!

[today.]
now still at com lab supposedly doing pbl.but yupx.since its 99% complete..i shall update my blog.dis past days had been v bz with pbl.thursday is our presentation.quite scary.scared if anything goes wrong den i die liao..yepp.but hopefully nothing happen.at least this yr's pbl is not as rushing as last year's one where we only started our webpage on the day before the presentation.hahax.still cant forget hw hectic the situation was.and on the day of the presentation natasha told us that the links cant work.but a miracle happened!the links could all work lorx.we were chao happy.i tink i nearly screamed lorx.hahax.chao funny.anw.today felt v v v sick.during recess.my stomach very pain lorx.dinie waved at me oso i cant wave back.hahax.sorry din!then after that cough cough cough until i threw up de.yucks.thats the thing i hate most.my stomach vomit until very pain lorx.deteriorate my condition onli.hahax.and my cough arhx...i dunno wen it will eva recover manx.fat hope de.cant stand it lorx.always cough until very pain den will sure throw up lorx.eurghh.but now.im still waiting for my promo results canx.onli wish for the best.

[pt.]
since u say i din dedicate any entry to you...here i am now...v lame i knw.but yea.
gd luck for ur promo results.

k gtg liao.byee..

2004-07-23T14:42:00.000+08:00
as i have said...
i shall dedicate this entry to some ppl.
its a lil' too late larx.but yea.
its the thot that counts...

[dearest NCOs.]
thks for ue guidance for the past one yr we were in np.as whole i wud really like tot hk you for the constant patience to put up with our attitudes at times. on a personal note..i wud lyk to thk you for the talks that both of you have have with.thks for the motivation and encouragements that u gave me.appreciated it alot.and it had been a great help.hope you like aou prezzies

[rest sec 4.sq.]
thks for juzt being there in the unit and made our life in np a happy one...

[new NCOs]
who are they arhx...-drumrolls- HUIXIN AND MENGWAI MAAM!!!-applauds- wecome to the sec2 sq.k that was lame larx actually..but yea.hope that we can get along well with both of you..yepp.

k guess thats all i have to sae...shall update more later if have tym.
cuz in the com now and i hav to do pbl ma..
so cant update for long...
or else no tym to do...
yepp.