bad-mooding now.
y cant sum people juz trust me?
-pouts

aniwae lets recap.
had LMSC=leadership and mentoring skills course briefing todae.
juz found out its not ncopc.
cuz the sir said that ncopc is december later.
yea.anw.
woke up at like 0630.
meet yakks and candz at bb mrt station at 0800.
then walked to outram sec from outram mrt station with other squaddies and guimei maam.
had briefing until like 1030?
den after that we went to macs with pt candz claud becks yakks and me!
they wanted to eat breakfast.
but i never like gg macs so i ended up not eating anything.
after that i rmbed that i brought my cam along.
so we started taking pics of each other.
very fun!
all of us were like self obssessed.
becks did a pole dance leh!check that out.
but i can onli upload finish my album at 8.
cuz sum of my pics in candz com.
then she onli coming back from ballet at 7.
then she sending me the photos later.

after that went candz house and started taking crap pics.
but they were damn nice k?
first time i took so much pics in my life in a day.
haha.
cant help it ba.

then reach home.
mum haven cook rice.
and im like damn hungry la.
haven eat proper breakfast.
and not lunch either.
thot of eating at home ma.
then in the end rice not cook.
so sad lor.

owells wadeva la.
tmr no skl.
have to start on hols assignment.
sigh.
hate hols man.

k gtg le.
byee.
shall blog again later if i have the time.

emil:i AM HOT ok!

lovedd.<3
;3:51 PM.x

---

hm.
came back from skl like 1 hour ago.
had to give decoration items to the maams.
reach skl at like 12.30.
went to skl with candz and yakks.
on the way to skl saw guimei maam.
was like damn shock.
cuz candz and yakks went "oh my god!"
i was like "wads up??"
then i saw wad they saw.
i totali went "SHIT!"
cause my shirt was not tucked in at all.
but luckily she din do anything.
thank goodness for that.
-phew.
reach skl and realise noone was there.
so waited and waited.
finish giving the stuff at like 1?

went mobil and ate my supposedly lunch.
the noodles tday damn hot and spicy.
like me...
haha.darn ego.
-winkz.
after that.
i started taking pics of becca and my boyfren.[farzie!]
i love you darlinggg..woohoo~
then me and becks decided to buy ice cream cuz my lips were like burning and becks decided that shes not full yet.
that pig.no offence.haha.
took pics of our ice cream oso.

then after that.
went home with candice.
she was like carrying a pail.
look damn spastic.
took spastic pics of her.
took a lot of pics la hor.
in the bus oso.
then sum chij girls were staring at us.
can help it la hor...
me and candice too chio le..haha.

and now im at home.
trying to use the com before mummy cum back from work which is like 5?
or else shes gonna kill me de lor.
listening to we belong together currnetly.
damn nice la the song.
the music video nice oso.

tmr got ncopc briefing.
info:quarter u.[shirt not confirm yet.]
meet at outram mrt station @ 8.45am.
and.
the day for the decoration of the csi room is changed to thursday,11 am.

got bad stomachache la.eeiyer.
damn.
always like this lor.
i dunno wad to write le.
and my hols schedule is like damn pack la.

lets see.
first week.
mon=give deco items[1230]
tues=ncopc briefing[9-??]
thurs=decorate csi room.[11-??]
second week.
mon=digital photography[8-5]
tues=digital photography[8-5]
wed=ss[0730-900], geog[900-1030], emaths[1100-1230], emaths[1330-1500].
thurs= chem[0900-1030], emaths[1300-1500]
fri=ss reexam[0730-0900], emaths[1330-1500]
third week.
thurs-sat= ncopc.[forgot the time]
forth week.
tues= sana course
thurs-sat= cameron highland trip[not confirm yet tho]

thats how pack my schedule is man.
confirm die liao la.
and my mum haven found me a tutor.
shit.
aniwae.
ya gtg le.

im crazy over you.

lovedd.<3
;3:55 PM.x

---

todae.
nice day.
so much things happen.
ill spare the details.
wun say it.-zipped- :X


[12pm-2pm]
ill cherish every moment that happen todae.
i wun give it up for anything.
i wun.
i was so close to ______ you.
dun ever do this again ok?
promise me?
ill always love you.

my favourite place:the staircase.


i wud appreciate it if you juz get out of my life okay.dun wreck my life anymore ok.enough is enough.
like ive said.
two words:go away
one word:please?

lovedd.<3
;6:39 PM.x

---

i hate you.
get that?!

I HATE YOU!

know wad?
i dun wanna see you ever again.
ever.

i hate you...so much..

y do everyone do the same to me huh?
very fun playing with my feelings ryt?
foreget


to the others:
get this messasge across.
ive let her go.
HAPPY NOW?!


you:im glad i still have you.i love you.

lovedd.<3
;11:10 PM.x

---

hmm.
nothing much happen todae either.
had a bad stomachache in the morning.
threw up.
wasn well then.

had lessons.
amths and emaths.
i have to sit for retest for ss.
dammit.
passing mark is 60%.
how can i ever do that lor.bleh.
then we have to cum back for like so much lessons.
the second week of skl hols...totalli the whole week need to come back.
EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!
so much so for the word HOLIDAE!
rubbish man.
im juz gonna die frm exhaustion.
still got np activity.
im seriously gonna die lor.
BUT wad to do?
blame it on my stupidity.

stop it okay?
STOP IT!!!
STOP IT!!!
leave me alone.

two words:go away
one word:please?

lovedd.<3
;5:11 PM.x

---

juz came back from school.
had emaths and amaths lesson.
ended early actually.
at like around 1015 instead of 1030.
BUT!!!!
i had to stay back to finish up my homework.
owells.
was accompanying emil at the same time.
cuz her parents have to come down to meet teacher oso ma.
my mummy came down at like 9.30.
but i was still having lesson.
she was damn early la.
cuz her appointment onli at 10.
so she waited for half an hour.
felt quite bad.
but yea.
the parent meeting thingy was ok.
heard wonderful things abt me from mr tan.
but he still said i should buck up.
he offered to help me summore.
well...
THANKS THOUGH!
got back results.
my percentage and madeleines percentage onli 0.1% diff.
but our class position is like 19 position different.
cuz shes 16th and im 35th.
haha.
im damn lousy i know.
but owells.
ill study de.
during the hols.
ill make sure of that.

very boring now.
nothing much to do online.
no ones online either.
i think ill go out sumwhere.
dun wanna stay at home doing nothing.
so borring summore.

well gtg le.
bye.

missing you.

lovedd.<3
;1:50 PM.x

---

my shoulder hurts arh.
dunno why.
DAMMIT!

aniwaes.
i lurve today.
my SURPRISE too. (((:
was taken aback.
twice le arh.
forehead.neck.
-smiles-
and youre strong man.
cudn run away k.
nvm ill b stronger than u one day.
trust me.

aniwae.yea.
din have much lessons except for amaths la.
stupid lor.
they sae the whole sec3 cohord din do well.
BULLSHIT la.
oops censored.
a girl cud actually score 100 for amaths leh.
bleh.
bloody genius man.
owells.
i know i din do well.
parents gonna get a tutor for me.
ahhhh.
sae goodbye to my freedom.
i get damn high for my L1R5.
goodness.nearly had to see principal or vp or hod.
but in the end is i culculate wrongly.
so parents onli need to see form teacher.

I HAVE LESSONS TOMORROW!!!
its suppose to b a school holiday.
DAMN amaths and emaths larh!
have to go for amaths:8-9.
emaths:9-1030.
wth.
i dun wanna wake up early early one.
damn la.
tsk.
but nvm.
its for my own good.-pukes-

photoshoot was screwd too.
as usual i was the shortest again.
did i ever grow for the pats 2 and half years?
argh.
dammit.
aniwae yea.
the formal shot i was trying my best not to smile.
funneh man.
then fun shot was stupid k.
was doing our pose but the squaddies behind me...
dunno who..
keep pushing me.
then as soon as the person sae
"one..two..three...click!"
i fall one step down leh.
haha.
luckily it wasnt that obv.
or else i die le.
malu man.

after np.
went to tiong with candz and yakks.
ate ljs.
nice nice.
then after that went home lor.
haha.


i love you.muackz.

lovedd.<3
;9:42 PM.x

---

today is my com day...
so yea here i am blogging now.

not feeling too good ryt now.
ntg much happen either.

mum pissed me off while going to relatives house for house-warming.
put my mood dammit low.
was tearing.
but was hiding it away under my fringe.
missed her too much that i din have any appetite to eat at all.
so ended up onli drinking 2 glasses of water.
din even eat breakfast.
den reach home and rot.
watch tv.
fell asleep.
too tired thinking of her.
kept making me sad.
den woke up and watch what a girl wants.
and came online.
joke and crap around with aisyah.
guess wad?
she has a jellyfish eye.
wahaha.

truth:i got no mood to luff.

you left without telling me.i waited.i woke up early and waited.but yet.no answers from you.i decided you left.but you know wad hurt me most?its the fact that you din even say goodbye.do you know how much i miss you.thinking of you every single passing seconds feels like ive been waiting for you to come back since forever.it makes me cry.but yet.trying to hide it hurts more.sometimes i realli wonder wat i mean to you.i love you...but did u ever love me?

lovedd.<3
;10:20 PM.x

---

hmm.
mum not at home now.
so using the time to update blog la.
ya.
im gonna write abt obs.
brr
its so cold now la pls....
raining non-stop

day1.
reached camp1.sorted to our groups.im in SHACKLETON!hm.instructor:YONGKANG..den off we go to camp 2!introducing session as usual.watchmates!shafina,emil,madeleine,jazlyn,caihua,kelly,jaime,rowenna,liling,amy,wangjin,giek keat,yizhou[dunno how to spell] rachel,sakinah,ashikin.den after that went to our store.i was appointed as the store i/c.wahaha.hilarious.theres like so much things in there.sakinah was the i/c for the day and emil our food i/c.aniwae yea.we packed the tent stuff into the tent bag and were asked to change to our wet attire.SO!i wore shorts without applying insect repellent.i tot go to sea ma.then hor.it appears we gonna pitch tent up in the forest!i was infested with 21 bites by e time i came out from e forest.den did kayakking.capsize drill.so fun!den after that went to bath.den cooked dinner.still rmb.the soup of the noodles damn diluted man.then had to bury the left over food in the sand.me and caihua finished up the remaining baked beans!and we din fart alot k!then we went to sleep!but i was already missing mainland.regretted surrendering my phone.

day2.
woke up and ate breakfast.i/c for the day:kelly.we had morning circle.did our group poster which consist of our goals.then change to climbing attire.went to do bilaying.dunno how to spell it tho.then it started raining.very badly and long too.so had to went back to store and seek shelter.had lunch there too.after that.us and 4 other watches played games.forgot who they are le.the first our watch lose.forfeit:we had to sing with actions included.and we sang the never ending song.dammit funneh man.haha.then the second game we WON!by completeing the game in 22secs.haha.very happy.our quote for the day:ITS JUZ A GAME!then kelly made our groups favourite curse word:DAMMIT!haha.then we went to our campsite to unpitchour tent.cuz of the rain la.then we were given our packing list for our expedition and had dinner.and den bath.and we packed our expedition stuff.then we go to sleep.cudn sleep that well though.but well.i did sleep in the end.missed singapore more this day.especially her.

day3.
had breakfast.din rain.wnt to the mph and played games with other 3 watches.so its...shackleton,dagama,junko and admunson.then we set off for our expedition.had to hike the forest to find 2 clues which will help in oue sea-expedition the next day.found one onli.but were given the second one after playing a game.the hike was terrible.but we reached in the end.had briefing about how to collect money to buy our sea-ex stuff.my watch and admundson played the inverse tower.overcome my fear of heights here.but we manage to collect 830k onli.but altgtr the 4watches collected 4730k=47300000.way above our target of 4000k.the had our proper dinner cuz we were at camp one and there is canteen there.then had briefing abt our sea-ex.then had supper and we bath.then i had to clear out stuff in my backpack to fit in 16 other ponchos ionto my bag.went to sleep.

day4.
woke up and found our food had been attacked by wild dogs.shocked man.then went to brush teeth and unpitch tents.then time to load our stuff in to the safety boat.had breakfast.after that we had to clear the area where we slept.found all our missing pegs.then time for our sea-ex.
sea-ex leders:aisyah ashikin cherie and michelle.
set off at 7.45.partner with jazlyn.paddle paddle paddle.then after a few hours had to change kayaks.ended up with claudia.cuz claud and izz cudn coordinate.then paddle paddle paddle.after like 3hrs i was alr at the point of giving up.nearly died.claud kept getting seasick.nt her fault tho.and i cried for awhile.at 1145 reached our temptation island.was dammit tired k.my hand nearly came out.realise we kayak 2/3of the island le.after around 10mins we set off again.and guess wat?! i saw a JELLYFISH!whee~!continued kayakking.was diff here cuz waves and currents darn strong.alot of wind oso.then pddle for another 5hrs.claud got dehydrated.but yea.we presevere and finally reached shore.was damn relieved la.kayakked for like 9++ hours leh.got tanned.haha.for the first tym im hppy that im tanned.cuz it wun b fun if im not tanned lor.went to carry the bag of ponchos back to our store.darn heavy k.bt i survived.went to bath.then had dinner.after that.we pitched out tents at the adventure trng place.had to pack our store.i/c for the day :ashikin.she did a great job.after that went to sleep.our tent collapse.but manage to redo it.had a nice sleep.i became caihua's ''hehe" partner.

day5.
last day.quite sad to go off frm obs.but at the same time cant wait to go home.actually more of back to to school.sumones waiting for me.had some last session with our instructor.bought the obs souvenirs.whee~!then we go off!reach mainland and took bus back to school.slept the whole way.was too tired and my body hurts alot.reached skool.she wasn there.damn sad.but den went for luch with claud and becca at mobil.then me and becks took cab back.thks becca!yupp.

thats all for obs.will update tmr again.gtg.my sis using.

lovedd.<3
;2:03 PM.x

---

obs was fun ba.haha
back ache now.
was in SHACKLETON!!!
we rawk manx.
haha.
our instructor was YONG KANG.
hahas
hes dammit nice.
cant write much about obs now.
gtg offline soon ma.
yupp.will try to blog tmr.
yupp.

im missing u badly.hmm.sigh.hope to see u soon.

lovedd.<3
;10:55 PM.x

---

obs is tomorrow.
i dun wanna go.

i realli dun wanna go.
i dunno y.
but yea.
sigh.
im gonna miss my bed alot manx.
i hope i wun b homesick like the way i was in atc.
still remember that time in atc...
suddenly i thot of my bed and my pillow and my bolster..
and then i felt like crying.
cuz i realli felt like going home.
i know it sounds silly but i realli felt like crying.
luckily it was already the second last day.
i was so glad to be out of ubin the next day.
haha.
but yea.
I REALLI DUN WANNA GO.

todae-
din realli do much.
bored.
packed my obs stuff.
then wanted to but hairband.
mum was at IMM.
so asked her to help me buy
but she din want to.
i was so pissed that i walked out of house and went to westmall without her permission.
noone knows that i actually went westmall.
go there and buy my stuff.
i dun tink she know till now.
and i doubt anyone knows except for some ppl.
bought quite sum stuff.
haha.
i cant b bothered le.
lets see wad i bought.
- i bought and orange and white wrist band
- orange hairband
- rubberbands
- earsticks.

WAHAHA!

something that i can b happy about lor.
and i got my contacts le!
bought it like yday.
was like so happy
until something happen.
eh lets not talk bout it.

i dunno wat to sae le
im gonna miss alot ppl.
alot alot man.
especially sumone.
[u know hu u are...]
anw.yea.


okie.gtg le la.
yupp.wanna sleep.
later tmr cannot wake up lor.
tata~!
c ya all ppl soon.
that is if i come back from obs. haha.

ill miss you alot.i dun even wanna go tmr.nut ill love always. muacks

lovedd.<3
;10:34 PM.x

---

im sucha freak!
i hate myself!
i dun deserve to live.
i shud die in obs and never come back to mainland.

im so freaking screwd.
wad have i done to myself?
most importantly..
wad have i done to someone's friendship?

"shafina do you know that ure stupid.
now look wad u have done"

someone found out.
omg.
im so freaking dead.
she doesn blame.
but i still feel bad.
i mean how can i not wen all this gonna cuz their friendship to mayb end?!
i put their friendship on the rocks!
wad have done?
cried.
i felt helpless and lost.
i cud onli cry.
[thks dinie for being there...]
i juz felt so sore.
i dunno.
im a bad soul.
i dun deserve to live.
i shud juz die.
i juz wanna go and drown myself in the sea during obs and den i dun have to live animore and face reality.
omigosh.
sumone help me.
i need sumone to talk to RYT NOW!!
but look at the tym?
11.27 PM!
y wud anyone wanna talk to me at this hour?

I NEED SOMEONE NOW.
I JUZ WANNA DIE.

i cant even see her on monday.its one week separation and i can even see her for the last time.oh gosh.where is god wen i need him.

lovedd.<3
;11:21 PM.x

---

EXAMS ARE OVER!!!

can u believe that?haha.im so hyper ryt now.i was like so happy juz now.especially after amaths paper.cuz THAT marks the end of mid years.haha.then after skool.i did the dumbest thing u can eva do after exams..whish is..to go home!!omg i have never done this before.im like at home when more than half of the crescent population is like out celebrating..stupid.but it was ok.cuz i wasn home alone.had one of the greatest times at home.[-secret-]haha.yea so it wasn too bad at all being at home. -beams- then after that went to sleep at around 4 or 5.sleep sleep sleep until 8.30.woke up oso cuz i wanted to use the com.haha.had sucha nice sleep.

BUT ITS NOT ENUF!

im gonna sleep more.to make up for the loss of sleep due to mugging for mid years.hmpf.im gonna b a pig for once. (((:but i desrve it wad.haha.yupp.

anw amaths sux.cudnt do some of it.but yea.i dun care.dun wanna talk about it le.

lets see.oh my sista [qiqi] gonna come my house on fridae!!!!im so happy and EXCITED!!!
gonna have a hell lot of fun.haha.

k la gtg.
-having cramps-



ill love you always..ure mine

lovedd.<3
;9:57 PM.x

---

hmpf...

happenings?
let see wat happen todae.i dunno.i know i slept at 145am ytd and woke at 11 tdae.woke also becuz mum was shaking me off the bed cuz the family wanted to go for breakfast...but and mysis were still sleeping.so i had no choice but to wake up and bathe and go eat breakfast with them.but i guess it was ok.den went to study bio.theres like so much to study.and im like so tired la.sick of studying le lor.but nvm juz hafta endure for one more killer paper.not like sae others is not killer ppr la.but wad i meant is that pprs that need massive memorization.and this means geog and all the science subjects xcept for physics.so since all that done le so left with bio lor.which is like this monday.haha.so im gonna continue studying after this.

mid years.
papers were hard manx.hm.social studies was crap.i was damn stupid la.i like left a 13marks question blank.except for one sentence.i shud have done the structured question first lor then do the sbq.arghh.i was like so angry with myself.chem was ok but i left one whole page blank cuz i totalli din know how to do that question i din study that part lor.pissed.the day before these papers i sin sleep lor.was doing massive revision.then next day was physics and goeg ppr.actually planned not to sleep agn.cuz geog realli got alot to study.but i end up sleeping and 10 and onli woke up at 2.den i fell slp agn and onli woke up at 3.felt like crying at that moment k.cuz i know i haven study much abt geog yet.physics ppr was quite hard la.considering the fact that i din really study the first few chapters and the questions came out from there.geog was ooookkkayyy.cuz most of the things that i study came.those that i concentrate less on onli a few questions came out on them.out of the 75 marks for the seq..i know i lose 10 marks le.but i thinks thats quite and achievement.haha.

death of president Wee Kim Wee.
lets observe one minute of silence for him.
-after one minute-
omg.so sad lor.watch a documentary on him.realise that he is damn nice lor.he like grandfather for evryone like that.the ytd was his funeral on tv.was quite sad.felt like crying wen heard his granddaughter's speech.so touching lor.i wished my grandfather was like him.but god loves him more then us.so yea.god bless his soul.ohh and he is cute too.

aniwaes.gtg le.
wanna study.

to all the np cadets in singapore especially creznp and my squaddies....
HAPPY NPCC DAY!!! :))

im angry.

lovedd.<3
;6:40 PM.x

---

20050503

i received a love letter...-smiles-

oh no tagboards down todae.
bad bad.
i cant see my tagboard.
anw.
nothing much happen todae.
collected new set of uniform todae.
left it in school tho.
cudnt b bothered to bring it home.
will bring it home tmr.
yupp.
im tired now.
after this gonna study for my chem and social studies.
seriously need to start revising.
dun wanna fail my mid years.
actually im onli afraid of my english result.
dun wanna retain.
yupp.
anw.this fridae np day.
need to reach skl at 0645.
so early k?
sigh.but at least becca's father can send me.
thks becks. :)))

k la gtg le.
wanna go study le.


cant imagine life without you..
i wanna be with you all my life..

lovedd.<3
;9:10 PM.x

---

20050502

finally my blog is done.
like the new template.
we both like it.
so yeah.
haha.
not much tym to update.
im trying to finish this whole post up before mum and dad come back.
dammit.
i dun tink i can make on time man.
arghh.
im so tired now.
but im happy too.
anw.gtg.
try to blog a longer one next time.




i love you always..forever

lovedd.<3
;11:06 PM.x

---

20050501

AHHH!!!

blogskins is down.this sux.i need a change to my blog skin.arghh.shall come back later.

lovedd.<3
;1:49 PM.x

---