*

20050326

shes so cute..

my(L-squared).
oh no she's so cute.her smile is damn charming.see her smile hor..it juz brighten me up lor.gosh.too cute le lor.to claud and beck..she IS cute ok.bleh.look forward to see her everyday.she's juz too cute.falling in love with her...SMILE.=))

todae.bored.
went to queensway w claudpokk in the afternoon.need to buy skl skirt.and she need to alter her skirt.make it shorter.went to alter mine too cuz mine was like damn long ar.dun wanna b a toot walking ard the whole skl ma.and one conclusion..claudpokk has bad sense of direction.and after that at the busstop claud rmbed she forgot to bring her hs key and her mum juz went out.so i accompanied her at the bus stop for ard half an hour den i had to leave.was chao tired.

crezawards.
went home to teresa's house after np.to bath and everything.rush to skl cuz thot we were late.but nvm.crezawards this yr not as gd as last yrs.but overall its ok lar.sat bside clarissa.she was damn funneh.sumbody took pic of us and went.."whoa like steads man.."and i went like erps..no lor.haha.layteng was dammit chio lor.she wear until so..nice lar.but well.wasn feeling to good.masking myself the entire evening.dun wanna spoil the mood of the happy ppl ard me.but i gave way after crezwards.was juz too disturbed.

cried.
watch miracle box wen reach hm after crezawards.cried again.cuz too sad.the show damn touching lor.i juz cudn hold myself tgthr animore.went into the room and cried.alot.had so much things in my head.stop myself frm doing things that im not suppose to.but i was juz too sad.ppl keep making me try to forget her.but its not ez dammit.if it was that ez i wudn b here crying suffering through the lonely nights.its not her that is haunting me.im not remembering her animore.im trying my best to let her go and forgetting her.but its the memories.the painful memories.and all the shows that i watch seem to replay those wonderful moments which were then being crushed.its was juz too painful ok..

jean.
i know ure trying my best to cheer me up.and wen it doesn work..its not ur fault okay?pls understand this.its all my fault.ive never fail to make anione stop worrying abt me.be it you..yongni..and god knows if theres any others.im such a saddist ok.i wont blame u if you ever get tired of consoling and cheering me up one day and leave me.i wun blame you.cuz i knw uve tried your best.its juz me..im broken beyond anything else.continue cheering up the lives of the other ppl ard you.dun waste tym on me.i dun wanna hurt you furthur.and i dun wan to make you feel like loser weneva u failed to cheer me up.and..i was realli waiting for ur call.bt mayb its juz that fate nv allow me to talk to u.call me on my hp nx tym ok.and ill miss u loads.

others.
includes farzy and yn.thanks for everything.thanks for being there always.but like ive said.stop wasting tym on me.and this goes out to my squaddies too.

all the pain had been done..
juz...

leave me alone.

lovedd.<3
;7:01 PM.x

20050318

-phew-im done..

im lyk finally done?
did some changes to the template.
well i like it this way tho.
the bloody template keep resetting itself.
been lyk doing it for more than 5 times.
everytym edit the thing reset.tested my patience.
but im finally done.
relieved.
but got some prob with the tagboard.
the words are lyk in black so u cant see ur msg wen ure typing it.
but i guess it shud b ok.
ill try to fix it.

kk gtg le.
wanna go home before i freeze in here.
hands are lyk quite numb.
and im tired.
tired of living.evrything.

lovedd.<3
;2:56 PM.x

its soo cold now..

march hols.
in the com lab now.had englisg remedial tday with miss woon.onli 4 ppl attended?me claud yh and mad.me and claud came 15mins late and yh?30 mins?haha.but well.the lesson wasn that bad after all.quite fun actualli.seriously for once..english is fun.had been having extra lessons lyk almost everyday xcept for ytd?mon had bio prac.tues had amaths and geog and wed..emaths.it was a wonder on tues that mr phua cud go on scolding on us for lyk 30 mins.amazing ryt?haha.=))i from listen to him hor..burst out luffing lor.

jean.
[monday]
threw her a surprise party at sentosa on monday.was practically hiding frm her.we hid behind sum rocks.and claud such a loser.she was screaming to hx maams ghost story la.like wahahaha!well.for me a became a sand bucket for mengwai maam.cuz she was lyk pouring sand onto and into me.it was funneh tho.had sand all over my body.seriously.evrywhere.my hair was the worst la actually.
[tuesday]
this was the worst part.had to part frm jean.omg.was so sad.we cud have flooded the airport.really dun wan her to go.to start it off i wasn in a good mood wen i reach airport.din join the rest at swensens.came dwn quite late cuz by the tym we came dwn she leaving le.walked jean to the departure gate.din wanna cry but after the hug couldn hold on animore.hugged teresa and cried.den candy called jean.cudn talk to her.cuz both of us were crying.was sobbing.sort of regretted that i din spent enuf tym with her during her last hours.but cant turn back tym.got quite worried at first.cuz flight to indo shud onli take 1 hr and she din msg me until 11?but relieved wen received her msg.
jean:ill miss you alot.well..im missing you alr.take care wen ure in indo and US k?muz write to us.

tears.
been crying alot lately.had too much bottled stuff in me.cried ytd.cuz was watching cd den 3.30 le..wanted to watch another show..but sis put on a deaf ear wen i talk to her.was frustrated.wasn angry cuz i din get to watch my show tho partly it was cuz of that.but more of the realisation of my position in the family.she never listens to me.and that hurt badly.my mum was sweet cuz she was trying to drop hints to my sis that its alr 3.30 and i that i wantd to watch my show.at least that was i thot at first until she scolded me.cuz she askedme whtr there will b any encore of the episode and i said no.den she shoot the hurting words to my face "cant you open ur mouth and tell your sis den?" i was totally disappointd.i tot i had her on my side.so i raise my voice "i told her alr but she ignored..do you know that?" i cudn go on cuz i was choking with tears.i was trying not to cry but it was hurting.and i gave up so i cried as soon as she closed her room door.for the first tym.the tears in my eyes sting my eyes.i cudn control it.

marksmanship.
9 from our sq this year.highest farz and bee.88/90.not bad eh?my boyfrens a shooter man.=))love you loads dear.i din get it tho.was very sad.considering that i din even pass.hw bad is that la.shall not reveal wad i got.but it was bad..it was unfair to sum of us tho.i was hoping i cud pass.nv missed a single armpower trng.but still failed.but realli wud like to thank mandy maam for all e trngs.was tough tho.but for those of us who din pass or din get the marksman badge..at least you help us build our armpower.=)

you.
[you know hu u are]..was glad that ure dere.ure presence knowing that ure dere mean alot to me tho not physically.but mentally knwing that i have someone by me at that tym was more than enuf.thks for letting me confide in you.but still..i dunno y.stg tell me that i shudn be doing that.and im nt suppose to b treating you this way.its wrong.but no matter wad.thks for being there for me weneva i need a companion the most.oh and rmb.hugs cant go on forever.

oki.gtg le.
wanna do stb to my template since i got the tym.
byee.

lovedd.<3
;11:48 AM.x