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then after that meet krys,cand,kaixian,ry and rb to go home with them.
then reach the 'garden' dere ry realise she lost her lit file.so went bk to the canteen.search for it but still cannot find.then went bk to garden krys they all were luffing.wonder wad had happen.they ry opened her fail a squash snail was inside lor.i freaked out lor and was practically screaming.then mrs heng was looking at us lor.then ry bu shuang and nearly cried.dao us all the way...but not me la....cuz i don put the snail ma.heehee.
todae head was spinning in the class.then stomach rumbles.now much beta but still not that gd.feeli lyk fainting at any moment but manage to carry on using the net cuz have no choice need to do sum skool stuff.urgh!i wanna vomit le.anw.ntg to blog le.wanna go eat liao.have been starving myself frm morning till now... heehee.... =)
bubbye.
u pple out there thks for supporting me!
but i don understand y i am still depressed...its lyk i'm depressed for no raeson.then depress arh ...sad until cannot le.can drive me to suicide one noe....haiz...
;6:56 PM.x
20030926
o yea.was nearly knocked down by a car juz now.car was lyk less than 2m away frm me onli.went down the bus.crossed the road looking str8.instincts told me to look right.look to the right saw car driving str8 towards me.i quickly run.phew!or else wud hv ended up in e hospital or even mortuary.today another [her] angry w me,k?fine.i'm reali a L-oser lah hor.keep making ppl angry.then wen i explained no one eva wanna hear it out.I DON WANNA LIVE!fine la.actually juz now shudnt hv run.shud hv juz stand dere den let the car knock me down,rite?sum ppl wud be happie if i die wad.y do i keep nearly getting knock down by the car?y muzzit be nearly?y cant tt those cars hit me down for once?I REALLY DON WANNA LIVE LE!me and my life juz sux.
||my family really spoils my day,k?in skool was luffing lyk siao.then came home onli arhz,got nagged my parents.Can they gif me some peace?i wanted freedom they don wudnt gif.i wan peace,cant dey even do that?they juz don understand me.they dont understand me as a child,a daughter,a depressed student,a girl and even not even as hu i am.wad they r doing isnt helping but making things worst.dad scolded for using 2much sms.but wad can i do lor.i wanna use com to chat w frens so that i can pour all my feelings onto,he dont reali allow.wanna use e phone,mum don allow unless its abt hw.wanna confide to sum1 in skool.cannot cuz frens bz w their tuition and stuff.then nw banned me frm using sms.gd lar rite?the best.nvm shall juz keep quiet.bottle evrything up.
wen i go skool being 'rejected' by frens and studies,i go home got 'reject' frm parents...wad do u suppose i shud do?everything's against me!wad is dis!wad wrong do i do to deserve all this?sumtyms i really do feeli tt i'm an adopted child lor.its lyk parents oso always side w siblings.
yes maams.i noe i told u all there's ntg wrong w me nw...but i don x-pect all this wud happen.m realli relli sory.i don tink u wud eva wanna see me again.as it is A WASTE OF TYM!u see me w a hope i would tell u evrything,but always end up saying ntg.I M REALLY WASTING UR TYM!trust me.
argh!stomach hurting again liao.frm in skool juz nw lor.during pe, it strikes den culdnt even stand.but lucky for a while onli.feeling so depressed...haix.. :(
anw.gtg le.will blog again sum other daes.
o ya maams.if u wanna noe anything abt me.get the leta i wrote to becca on the 270903.everything.wud be dere...
wen e day finally comes,
where every1 gifs up on me.
don eva stop me,
from doing foolish things.
;11:27 PM.x
20030925
ok fine!i'm a BETRAYER.i'm a HYPOCRITE!*crying* u happie nw?i'm not worth ur frenship isnt it?i chat w u todae with a hope that u would hear out my explanation and forgive me.but onli to be greeted with the phrase 'i'll neva trust u anymore'.do u noe hw hurting it was?dere's no pt continuing dis frenship wen dere's no trust between us,isnt it?yes.i admit.i hated u at the beginning.i had bad impression of u.rather hated u till i can hate no more.i dare to admit.i talk behind ur back.u can call me a hypocrite if u wan.i my ownself donno y i did that.tho i hate u,upon receiving ur leta todae,i feel remorse,guilty to wad i had done.i noe i told 2 ppl that i wasnt touched at all.but onli i noe hw regret i felt that time.i noe u r one of the ones hu had helped me thru my toughest time.that was the one that kept me thinking y did i do all those shtoopid stuff.if u are sad being betrayed lyk that,den hw do u tink i'm feeling now.i've been betrayed lyk donno hw many times.if urs hurting then mine is lyk hurt,hurt,hurt,rite?i've been thru much more than u do.betrayal,insults,humiliation.i've been hurt much deeper than u had.but if u still wont blif me then there's ntg i can do either rite?i noe there's no use of me saying all this.u wont blif it either.but i juz wrote all this for u to noe the truth.
follow wad ur heart saes.
often tym its neva wrong.
follow wad ur feelings ask u to do
often tyms it'll definitely hurt u...
its nw reali up to u to blif which side of the story u wanna blif in.*still crying[harder]*
;9:16 PM.x
20030924
see la.exams near near oso still go online.but watta do.need to do art ma.
anwz.finally com upgraded liao.
windows been changed to xp and the one that made me happie is that e internet had been changed to BROADBAND!finally i can use the com freely.
someone help me w my art!i totalli have no idea of watta do lor.but nvm.
hmmm.got my *ahem cut yday.wah liao.can die arh.don wanna tok abt it le.but v.pain.bleed bleed bleed until cannot bleed
then yday was sitting on the dining table eating dinner.of course leg will be under the table one rite?
then after eating v.stupidly wen to str8 away stand w/out pulling out the the chair first.so e bone somewhere above my leg got banged then was lyk screaming lyk siao lyk that.then today in skool arh walk got slight pain la then wen reach home that tym arh could barely stand lor.
today nearly fainted after skool.din eat for recess, lunch and not a single drip of water.y.bcuz i fasting.urgh.nola.don tink i wud be eating even if i'm not fasting cuz got no appetite.tink i'm hving fever lor.got drenced in skool juz now.actually is purposely one la.
and farzanah arh...u wanna kill me izzit?kill lor.u r alwayz welcum! heehee.no la.jk,k?but i really din tell anyone except for [her].m realli sorie,k?
anw.gtg le.need to continue w art.will try blogging as often as possible.but don tink i can do that.cuz need to revise.
;8:33 PM.x
20030920
for goodness sake...
pls lor
so gross,k?
ewww....
donnno wich person actually went to impost as me in yh's blog.said this,k?
hi yunheng. i really want to noe y u r alwaez so unfair to me?
why do u keep rejceting me time and time agn?
i really miss you. i cant help loving u so much.
but y cant u love me too huh?
anithing la.
its lyk so...urghhh...impossible for me to actually tag that,k?use ur common sense lah for goodness sake.anw.swear its not me.cuz last few daes com carn be used cuz cropped up w some prob.freak lor.miss blogging.so pls lor.its up to u to blif whether its me anot.
erm.ya.
today haad home econs prac test.I SET THE PAN ON FIRE,kz?wahahaha.i screamed wen that happened,k?din realise fire too hot then str8 away put in onions so.the whole thing juz flare up.yupz.then me v.shtooopid,k?boil the macaroni but din went to light up the fire.so things were being delayed but lucky not that long.but in the end evryting went well for me.went bk to class.tasted each others dishes.tt atikah and sarina went to eat Ivy's fried rice till its clean,k?but ivy(if u r reading this perhaps),ur dish is reali nice lor.
o yea juz found out someone hu last tym says she HATES blog ended up having a blog for hersely.chao funi lor.burst to lufter yday went she told me that.anw.
DEE arh.
u v.blur can?juz now i draw cute rite?u squash in to the prez.then still din realise stg was behind your bag.anwz....
HAPPIE BURFDAE kaiz...U RAWK GIRL!
during recess juz felt sho damn terrible.
was bad-mooding evryone bcuz of [her].was sitting at that canteen table for lyk the whole of PE lesson cuz sir was absent.ya then candice went up to class leaving me alone.haiz.was juz rotting ard.that tym was so sad.
to [her],
u arh...always lyk that one.say diff thing but will end up doing another thing.walau.u arh....gonna drive me to my grave.actually i'm oredi half way down the grave.my leg's inside oredi.u r suppose to saty back w me today,k?but u went home instead.wad is this lor....u always make empty promises.yday din stay bk cuz stg terrible happen.then no choice but to go home str8.then juz nw morn ask u whether today can stay bk then u say can...but ask u again during recess u said no.FINE lor.NO then NO lor.
anw.gtg liao le.
will try to blog again but not that soon cuz planning to start revising.
most prob every fri den can blog.
;12:08 AM.x
20030914
y is the world so unfair to me?
y do i get others insulted bcuz of me even my own CCA?
y muz all this happens wen i am starting to be happy?
am i fated to be a loner all my life?
am i?
feel lyk crying so many tyms today.really,really feel as tho the world's crashing down on me.i juz cant take it any more!y do ppl keep doin' this to me?it juz hurts terribly.but i shall never ever,ever gonna make other ppl worry abt me.
listen to the song 'believe in you' by Ayden.wah chao touching,can?nearly drove me to tears,manx.but he died liao le.due to heart attack or stg.onli 23 years old,k?so young die...the song +my situation made me really cry lor.*crying*
cant ppl juz leave me alone for once?i juz need that peace.NONONONO...insult me, can,can,can.juz don insults my other frens can le.i juz need someone to tok to now!NOW!but i juz cant find anyone to do so.but i badly need someone.but nvm.suan le.
i m such a loser!i'm hopeless....HOPELESS!its all my fault that my np seniors,sqmates and even NPCC got insulted.im a hopeless person.y do i get so many ppl involve in this?y did i make them have that feeling that they have no choice but to help me and then end up in this state and its all bcuz of ME!i am such a loser!
am really crying now lor.i juz cant hold those tears back lor.am in no mood to blog now.will try to blog agan later.
o yea gg out to rebecca and candy.don mind abt me,k?i'll try to survive on my own.i really owe all those short but happie moments last week to u.though its gone now.i'll try to survive without u guys helping me,k?i juz don wan u all to suffer bcuz of me,ya?
and to those insulters,
pls lor,k?dey r juz plain innocent ppl.don ever make them suffer.
;7:34 PM.x
those ppl hu have been helping me esp those sqmates and np seniors.pls don help me anymore.i don wan get u all into trouble.reallie.m juz too hopeless.and pls don lor.i noe u all r nice ppl but i juz don wanna see u all suffer bcuz of me.i'll reallie regret if that happen,k?
to [*oohh*]...
pls...i donno y i am doing this but i'm juz asking frm u not to do anything to my frens esp my sqmates and np seniors.they r a bunch of innocent ppl,k?don u go and insult them,k?u can insult me for all i care.insult me till i die.I DON CARE.but don insult them.don anything to them cuz they have ntg gotta do with this!pls.keep them out of this.stop calling them lamers wen they r not.anw. reminding u one last time,
DON'T INSULT THEM! INSULT ME FOR ALL I CARE. BUT JUZ DON INSULT THEM CAN LIAO. I DON MIND BEING INSULTED BUT JUZ KEEP THEM OUT OF THIS,K?
;1:00 AM.x
why do i hafta suffer everyday?i was oredi so happie for the pass few days onli to be 'greeted' with accusements of me hacking pple's blog, me loving someone[which makes me look as tho i m a crk].
how i wish u din call me early today to tell me all this.but on the other hand, glad that u call me and made me known that i've been accused wrongly.but y muz it always be me?y dis hafta happen wen i'm starting to cheer up?y do ppl keep making my world crash on me?i juz wanna be happie lyk everyone else.but it always seem to be impossible for me.its juz so impossible!
first.being accuse of hacking frens blog.but i din,k?so this xplains y [u] all keep tsking me tt day.but blif me.i din do anything to her blog.i stayed back after cs to help ms teo arrange the chairs that was in a mess.i din even noe [she] din log off [her] blog.i juz wen in dere den go arrange the chair and went bk out.wad is dis?y evrything bad that happen to [u all], it muz be ME whom u tink is the cause of it?y muz it always be ME hu is being accuse of breaking up your frenship wen i did ntg?ntg at all!in fact i'm trying to help u all out so that u all can be bk together as frens.
then.someone imposted as me in yh's blog saying 'y [she] rejected me'.wad is dis lor.dont u all got beta things to do?u all have gone too far,k?wad is dis lor?i noe u all hate me and lyk to see me suffer but its lyk i donno wad i do wrong at all.
to yh...[if u r reading la]
realli lor.I DIN tag ur board,k?sho sori.i onli gota noe abt it today wen krys told me abt it.reali donno hu's that imposter.but the truth is that i realli din tag ur blog.thats the truth.tt's all i gotta sae to u.
y do ppl keep saying that all problems will end wen it don seem to be the case for me?everything starting to pile AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.haiz.y is the world so unfair to me.i cant blif it lor.i was so happie those few days but now.everything had turn the other way round.hmpf!y do this always happen.y do i keep being saddened everytime i'm happie.weneve i'm happy, the ending result will be that i'll be so chao sad that i feel lyk dying.mayb i'm really not destined to be happie.
anw.gtg le.am feeling so sad.
;12:46 AM.x
20030911
cant be helped ma.wanna write in tagboard veri 'leceh'[troublesome], so write it in my entry le.
this tym round is for those good good ppl in my tagboard not those baddies.
[hey],
thks for tagging ya? funi la.they jealous of me?heehee...wonder wat they r jealour abt lor.anw.thks for supporting me,ya?heehee
[-]
heehee.noe hu u r le.yaya.pollute lor.but muz nice stuff ar?hehehe...yalah realli appreciate u for standing up for me yday.and the other day....i donno liao le.anw thks for standing up for me,ya?ya i agree with u lor.
NP SENIORS R NICE PPL.infact the nicest seniors shud i sae?heehee...
O.o aka u.a
sori for making u involve in yday's incident, k?reali sori,ya?din mean to get u involve.but they r reallie stg.hope u juz forget abt it,k?thks for being there for me yday. a beeg thk u to u.[flying to u]heehee...
anony2
hi...long time neva heard frm u.anw.still figuring out hu u r.*wondering*yayaya..they r juz cowards and b.itches.[opps vulgarities,bt nvm]ya.heehee.can u reveal urself?heehee...pls, pls. *smiling*
some1-who-cares
y cannot reveal urself?np senior arh?if yes then nvm.will unserstand.but if not can u juz reveal urself?if not in the tagboard can tell me personally...that would certainly work.heehee.anw.thks for supporting,ya?
candy[maam]
u rox!heehee.no lah.wad i wanna say is thks for being there for me all this while.really appreciate that.u and yongni maam r really the ones hu deserve the beegest thks frm me.may find me a nuisance.m really sorry.muz tell me if that realli happen.i don mish that will happen either.well anw.
u and yongni rox [maam]manx!
and to those out there whom i neva mention but supported me.....rmb this....U RAWKS!
;4:26 PM.x
was lyk quarelling with those insulting ppl on my tagboard.heehee.whoa.was lyk so terrible, can?but then after that they went off.hiya.i don gif a damn liao le.cuz all of their insults has made me numb toward their insult.last tym use to feel lyk crying and sumtyms even cried but its lyk now, i don even care lor.i mean its lyk.there's so many ppl supporting me, so why shud i let them affect me.i gotta go thru all these thks to my dearest frens, esp my sqmates and my np seniors.u guys ROX man!donno wad wud have happen if u all werent there.
now at my aunts hs.
own hs com cant be use cuz something happened yaday.then onli can be used again tmr or the day afer.ya.anw.gtg liao le.will try to blog again later.heehee
;4:02 PM.x
20030910
[****er]u tink i donnoe what u want to write in your nick.
but i juz cant blif that sumone lyk u actually cares for an old man.and for ur info.I DIN DO ANYTHING.and the sum1, sum2, sum3 is sumone whom u wont ezpect to be out with me.if i had mention their name...u'll have a shock of ur life,k?and i oso don wan to get them in trouble so din mention their name.
.I..H.A.T.E.U
i think i noe hu u r lor....but on a second tot mayb wrong le.but i don care if ppl close to me hates me....i don gif a damn,k? EXCUSE ME hu r u calling freaking nerds huh?my frens are nerds?ur urs huh?i don geddit,k? u all don lyk me but doesnt mean u instantly have the allowance to humiliated and insult my frens and seniors,rite?o shud i say u r the NERD go my tagboard juz to insult.or mayb if my frens are nerds they are not b.itches lyk u!
[....]
i think u r the one hu is freaking out le.....u r MAD, k?
actually i don wanna use vulgarities one...but u all force me to do so.....so....too bad la...b.itche!
;2:29 PM.x
11++ donno y so tired oso.
mum came bk w no breakfast so had no choice but to cook my own food le.muz cook for brother oso.wah liao.but went to cook some kinda pathetic maggie mee.but quite nice since its one of my favourite food.heehee.
o yea there's some pathetic or rather erm....shud i say COWARDS tagging humiliating things on my board!i mean not gg out to pple lyk u.a, - and pt.....cuz i noe hu they r.if wan me to tell then i can tell,k?
u.a and - is my senior frm np.but for some reason they cant say out thier name
PT is my own sqmate by the name of Pei Ting.
satisfied now, COWARDS?
if u wanna tag...then juz reveal lar,k?wad so diff?
COWARDS!
;1:42 PM.x
20030908
at first din wanna go cuz was juz feeling too tired but decided to go since din go for the last 2 sessions on sat and last wed.the class started lyk 1/2 hr late.but was quite ok lar...then the lesson ms habeebah was gg damn fast.but cud catch up la.she so funny, can?we all keep saying mr phua lyks her...then keep on luffing until lyk siao.then class was chao funny can?keep teasing ms habeebah then i cant sto luffing.luff until cannot le.den class supposed to end at 1....but we all were to finshed up the work she gave.den i do until sho slow until 2.30 then finish.wah its lyk so fast can?then waited for [sum1],[sum2] and [sum3]?ya....then went to queensway to have lunch...its lyk...i feel so extra lor...but anw.quite fun went to play trick on tis old man....
first...were eating then [sum1] finish food and went to create sum kinda new sauce.
ingredients:curry sauce, chilli sauce, mayo, garlic chilli sauce and other stuff we could find
[sum3] went to deep the french fries in to the new sauce then put it on the sit of the old man.
me and [sum2] were the innocent ones, juz kept on luffing.
[sum3] went to put another fries in his shoes.
me and [sum2] cudnt stop luffing lor
that man juz din realise anything lor.
a few moments later the man lean bk causing him to sit fully on the sauce-ed french fries and there's stain on his butt lor.at that point of tym i realli cant stop luffing lor...stomach was bursting.then i tink the man realise there's french fries in his shoes....guess he suspected us lor...but he kept quiet la...
me and [sum1] went off first cuz gotta rush home leaving [sum2] and [sum3] alone hu juz patched up.was supposed to wait for sir tho.but nvm.
went home walking all the way frm queensway to queenstown mrt station all thks to our dearest [sum1] hu tinks there's no bus to the queenstown mrt station.then upon reaching a 51 bus passed us....i was lyk...wow lor.i shud have taken 51 juz nw.but did n-joy myself le.
still wondering whether the old man eva found out that we played a trick on him.wonder if he's made a luffing stock.hehehe...
enuf of blogging fer 2day...
gtg le buaizzz
;11:31 PM.x
nearly got knock down by a car last 2 days[0608]....was thinking too much of those insult...then walking on the road as tho i was walking on a pavement.[the speed].then din notice cars ard me.tot they were not there.so juz kept on walking.car wasnt that near and it wasnt that far either.but lucky cousin pulled me away, or else...mayb i wont even be here now...thks cousin.but i'm sure it would be a celebration for those ppl out there who wishes to see me dead asap,rite?u would have even organise a party to celebrate my death,rite?esp to ppl namely [killer],u.can.ROT,.... and others hu wishes the same...but juz too bad lor...i'm still living....
;10:32 PM.x
20030907
[b.a.s.t.a.r.d],
i dun care wat u tink of me.whether i am a lamer or wad...it doesnt concerns u wat....and don u dare insult my frens and seniors as lamers juz bcuz u hate me,ok?! esp my seniors lyk candy and yongni maam bcuz they r not as lame.at least not as lame as u hu comes to ppl's blog to insult.even if they r not sincere of wat they r saying at least they hv those clean heart as to not 'dirty' ppl's blog....but i noe them,k?they have all the while been the ones who showers me w care and concern not unlike u....
[u.can.R.O.T],
i don care if those rumours says that i am not str8, who cares?if u call me not str8, there are some ppl in my class,in our school who r more crook then me....true or not its up to u to blif...
[.....]
anony2 is myself?r u crazy?me saying myself cute?hey for once use ur brain la hor?u say there's no seniors who likes me?then hu do u think is candy,huh?or rather shud i call her candy MAAM?she is my npcc MAAM,ok?u wan prove?juz reveal urself and i'll bring u to her,ok?ok at least.if she doesnt like me,she doesnt humiliate me like u do.and even if she hates me, she wudnt haven given her time off for me to hv someone to confide in.AND don u insult my father,ok?wat makes u tink that he's a beggar,huh?have u seen him beg on the streets before?or even,hv u seen him before?or r u saying urs too is a beggar?i noe u all hate me, but U don need to insult ppl ard me who cares for me,k?juz bcuz u hate me that doesnt give u the allowance to insult and humiliate them too,noez?i don care if my facial features are ugly or wat...wad i noe is that nobody is perfect,mayb u ur ownself hv ur own ugliness which u don realise.anw.juz get out of my tagboard,K?
;11:04 PM.x
20030903
today we had np mock promo after skool.
gotta skip maths remedial and higher mother tongue lesson.phew!or else i'll die of boredom in there.
though wasnt feeling really well, i manged to go thru all those drills without falling out!
hmpf! m being bad now.shud have told the maams,but instead....but nvm.
to start it out we were being tested on falling out.
wah...can die doing that lor.how shtoopid can i be.i went to raise up my hand when the maams called my name fro me to fall out.was damn nervous canx?wonder wat will happen on the real day of the promo[whichisthisat].hope i'll pass.at least 12 passes at least.den can get our np collar pin.well that is wat my sq had been waiting for.well wish u all luck for the promo.but seriously don tink i can pass my promo le.but shall try my best,ya?
den during drills body weaken.donno y oso...maybe sickness coming back to me when i'm starting to recover...sigh...wad a life...
anw.today got our sitting arrangement changed.jas's my new partner.kelly...gonna miss your company...and your 'abusing'ness...but don really mind.kelly...muz smile,k?don be so sad,can?
;11:18 PM.x
wishlist
star bracelet.
a new wallet
new pencilbox
new bag.
engraved ring.
*to be with you forever
blogskiin by;jolenex
respect.x